Predictions, pt. 2 : Ponder's Pick

If it's a boy, it will be born on July 1.

If it's a girl, it wil be born on July 18.

However, if it comes on any other date, it will be either a boy or a girl.

If it's a boy or a girl, it will be born on one of the dates I predicted, or on some other date.

If it's not human (and I'm not talking deformity here but rather meta-physicality), it will be beyond our lowly conceptions of space-time and will be born at a time and in a space that is neither time nor space but spiritual experience, which is to say eternity, and it (by this time "it" is the only appropriate pronoun the English language has for such a being), it will haunt our waking dreams and sleeping consciousness with love and bliss and ultimate meaning. Am I blowing your mind yet? Or am I creeping you out?

In the above eventuality, the child shall be named Om, but you'll actually spell it with the Sanskrit symbol.

The metaphysical scenario is not very likely, however, so I predict that if you settle on the name Orvis or Celester before knowing the gender, which I would completely understand and support, it will lock in the gender to male or female, respectively. It's an old folk way of choosing gender and really works. Unfortunately, the child has to live with one of those names, but, hey, "with great power comes inevitable sacrifice." I said that. And there's no "changing your mind" and changing the name after you get what you want. Don't mess with folk magic.

Final prediction: Orvis and Celester are the super-secret names you have up your sleeves and my mocking them will cause a serious rift in our relationship.

Jon