OVERHEARD. toilets and chores.

Sissy!
the voice shrieked cheerfully from the bathroom.
I'm on the toilet, so would you mind making my bed for me? I can't do my chores right now.

___

It is my understanding that this request was not responded to favorably.

Hey Becca, it's your anniversary, and mine!

...

We've been wed a while now. We should open that 20-year old can of Nuteena today.
___

Here's the plan: we listen to a bunch of ABBA and Judas Priest. And then wing the rest. #planner

___

In response to your upcoming inquiry: sadly, the answer is yes. The children DID get into the dark chocolate peanut butter cups you just got. I failed to stop them. I am so, so sorry.

P.S. The hashtag you invented is awesome.

#15andout

___

If someone was to get you either a giant television OR a motorcycle today, which one would you most prefer? #hypothetical #ornot

___

I don't want to freak you out, but Costco has Christmas stuff out, and I'm afraid if we don't jump on it now, everything will be gone. Shall I grab an extra cart and throw in everything I can fit? I'll get some straps to tie down stuff on top of our automobile too. One fake tree, or three, just to be safe?

#holidaypanic #valentinesdayiscomingfast

___

OVERHEARD (ANONYMOUS).

Let's look for a new mother on Pinterest,
one child grumbled to another with wicked grin.

No.
I said.

___

"Well-read people are less likely to be evil." *

So true, mostly. Doing our part to try and make the world less evil, along with the magnificent, personable Washougal Community Library. Thanks for being awesome and un-wicked.

*Mr. Lemony Snicket

OVERHEARD: THE RELATIVE MERITS OF USING WASTEBASKETS AS URINALS.

OVERHEARD.

Would it be okay...
the boy asked politely,
...if I peed in a wastebasket?

That...
replied his mother without pause; her response implying it may not have been her first time answering such requests.
...is gross.

So can I?
he asked.

No. It would make things smell bad. And...it's gross.
she said.

Oh...
he said, slowly processing; his response implying it may have been his first, or hundredth time making such requests.
...so can I?

No.
she said.

____

I'm sure the matter is settled for good. I'll always wonder.

OVERHEARD (HOW TO START A STORY).

"...and one time, I was at a funeral, and I had to toot so bad, and then..."

- anonymous 6-year old

OVERHEARD (DENIAL).

I am NOT picking...I'm itching the inside of my nose! 

#beenthere

OVERHEARD : TWO OLD GUYS IN A COFFEE SHOP.

Early 70s, Caucasian, tall, mustache, one guy doing 98% of talking:


These people on social media are making tons and tons of fucking money. Companies are paying astronomical amounts of money to do little clips, like advertising stuff. They'll have, like, three million followers, and they'll get paid for these endorsements.

Kids now, they have all this social media stuff, and there's only so many months in a year, I mean, you have all these friends and how do you keep track of them? I mean really?

We have this place out in the country, and you know, I don't know that we've gotten mail out of that box but maybe ten goddamn times in the last couple years.

Another thing, I was helping my wife clean out the garage, and I get so pissy. I just start throwing stuff away. What do you do with old cellphones? I'll tell you: I smash 'em. I just smash 'em. What else are you gonna do with them? Started doing it with fucking cameras too. Just smash 'em. What do you need all this shit for? No point.

And her closet? I swear she's got stuff in there she hasn't worn for shit, fifteen or twenty years!

I am a bipolar guy. I know it. Everybody has mood swings, but I have been in a pissy mood the past week, because I know I get testy. I get down in the shop, tooling around, and I'll put something down and won't be paying attention, and lose track of it, and I'll just get pissy. Or I'll stack wood and it'll fall down, and I just explode. I picked up my lawnmower and just threw it because I was pissed. That's really when I got on a cleaning up purge, getting rid of stuff and shit. I just had to. My goal is to...we got a drawer in the kitchen, above our little bar setup. I swear to God, you would be amazed at shit that's in there. Any kind of battery. Clips. Fingernail clippers, sunglasses, scattered, it's a fucking maze. Drives me nuts.

I took a whole big TV set, an awning from our deck...I took all this stuff to this place - not yard debris or food stuff - and they have these huge big fucking things, and I had a huge double paned window, and threw it in there, and they just come in and swoop it up and there's mounds and mounds of garbage and debris that goes in some landfill somewhere.

OVERHEARD, AND FAREWELL, ROBIN WILLIAMS.

Post by Joseph Long.

OVERHEARD. 
(television spoiler ahead).
I strained to hear the woman as she alternated between her phone and her friend next to her:

"I watched the finale of Secret Life of the American Teenager last night. It was horrible. I hated it so much. In the end, she left her four-year old son so she could go back to school. I was so mad. I can't believe they can even put that on TV. I can't believe I even watched that show."

NOTE: I went to Wikipedia and it appears that it was not only the season 5 closer, but
the Series finale. So, that's one more show I can cross off my Never Need to See Now That I Know the Ending List. Whew. And I was debating starting either that or The Wire next...

OVERHEARD.

A mother prompting her ten-ish* year old girl to tell another adult a series of jokes, most involving frogs and other cute creatures; the culmination of which was this:

- Who should you never obey?
the girl asked.

- Uhh...
the man faltered.
I don't know.

Satan.
she answered promptly, and her mother laughed heartily by herself.
____

*?