IT'S THE _____ TIME OF THE YEAR.

I've been thinking a lot about the experience of Christmas.

I've always loved it. December, the holiday season, lights, swirling people, the feeling of joy and humanity mingling amidst once-a-year melodies and buttered-up treats everywhere.

I still love it. Or I will again. But this has been a tough year. A very challenging one in multiple ways. 

I have not had the same experience this season. I've tried. And had many good moments and made some good memories. 

I've loved the people I've been with. Drank some good coffee. A lot. Eaten some sugar. Listened to Pentatonix. Tchaikovsky, and Sufjan Stevens incessantly. Every time I try to play something else - say, Cat Power, then I hear "...but Daddy, it's Christmas season, can we PLEASE just listen to Christmas music!" I acquiesce the majority of the time on that one. It's a battle where I'm the perpetual villain.

It's also been a tough season. This post isn't about the reasons that it's been tough. It's about the feeling I've had this season that's different. Right now, it's the present. But someday it will be a memory. 

Someday it will be a memory. 

I love the fragility of memory and how it lets us move on with life and leave things behind; often times things that should be left behind out of survival or necessity or in order to prioritize new focuses and opportunities. 

But some things need to be remembered, and remembered not just as concrete experiences (what, when, who, where, etc.), but as emotional passages. My heart has gone through some deep tunnels and twisty turns this year and I'm having a difficult time finding the familiar joy I've always felt this time of year. 

I don't think it's a bad thing to try and hang on to the feeling. Not to drag it out or make it more acute, but to make sure I remember. Because some things don't make sense until you experience them. And I feel like I'm having an experience; a passage of something that will pass, but that I should remember. 

I'm sad. At the happiest time of the year. 

The logical part of my brain - and I am very logical in certain ways when it comes to finding clarity - knows that there are many joyful experiences and wonderful times ahead and some of the feelings I have now will dissipate; compost away into the heap of forgotten months that shape you without consciously realizing. I have so many people I care about, so many good things going on, so much to practice gratitude for. I am grateful for these things. Most of all the people; the many people I am surrounded with who bring support and joy in so many ways. 

This is a hard month this time around. Maybe there will be other Decembers like this in my future; I'm guessing the classic ones I'm used to will likely outweigh these. 

But I don't want to forget how tough this has been. I think I need to remember. 

Because I want to understand better, going forward, the people who experience this every year. Every December, every holiday season. The sadness.

The sadness and even loneliness amidst being surrounded by joy and love. Even when you're in the middle of that and it's directed at you. You can still have those feelings; if I deal with some of these things with the support system I have, then I don't know how so many people deal when they're truly alone and have everything crumbling around.

I don't know, and I want to keep a little piece of that feeling with me; a slice of this month's experience to keep handy and accessible for the coming years when I'm feeling jollygood and it's almost impossible to understand how anyone could not be feeling the holiday spirit. 

So yeah, I wanna remember. Ideally the right amount. It's hard hanging on to hope sometimes, or trying to find it or resurrect it, but it's still important to keep alive, and maybe, maybe 

I will be there in a future December to be there for someone who understands. Even if it's just a little bit. Who understands how hard joy and jolly can be sometimes. 

In a left turn here, I subscribe to the dual and perhaps dueling ideas that 1) you can and should own up to your feelings and emotions honestly and 2) you can also push yourself to own up to them, and then to continue moving on and sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, even (platitude coming up)...

...fake it til you make it. There is something to that. 

The idea of trying to bring your best, of trying to model for others, especially children, of how you can respond in the face of adversity or things not going your way, and creating joy and joyful experiences, EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT, and realizing at some point, sometimes, you get sucked into it and it turns real. 

Lot of good moments this season. Lot to remember.

Joyeux Noel, all. Love you. Especially my wife, the delectable and patient Countess Becca who brings joy to so many surrounding her. 

Including me. 

ONE MORE CANISTER OF COFFEE.

HIM.

Daddy?
he asked.

When you're a sumo wrestler, is it legal to yank down the other wrestler's underwear?

Well,
I said.
I do not know the answer to that question. But it is my favourite question of today.

And it remained the fave.

___

One of the things I love about this boy is the range of his interest, the depth of his curiosity, and his ability to throw himself in equal measure into both physical pursuits and mental ones. To go from racing around the house like one of his current heroes, Jesse Owens, and then go to crafting stories and artwork like his current hero...now that I think about it, I am actually uncertain as to who his current inspirations are. Although he has enjoyed Vermeer as of late, and done his own version of the Girl with the Peal Earring. It's entitled Boy with the Pearl Earring.

Currently bouncing around reading three different books on reptiles, a bio of George Washington Carver, and the Roald Dahl classic Matilda.


___


HER.
Endless, boundless energy, bottled up like human nuclear fusion, with a spirit free and wit to dagger Oscar Wilde.

We have found a shared love of film. I love it so much.

Some families have stringent screen times rules. That's great. To each their own. But I guess in ours...we use what we use when we need what we need, and what we watch, we watch together. A shared and communal experience. Of course, that does not include Becca and I watching Amazing Mrs. Maisel or Designated Survivor after hours.

We're currently watching Spielberg's Lincoln. Already a lengthy story at 2.5 hours, it's turning into a four-hour epic with our frequent stops for explanations and discussion about what's happening.

I like how he focuses on the last months of the Civil War and shows the agony he faces in trying to balance, politically, the conjoined horrors of 1) ending the war and 2) ending slavery; knowing that they're intertwined and that timing will be everything.

There's a lot to explain and talk through. Habeas corpus. The nature of the Republican and Democrat parties then versus now.

You mean...the Republicans were the ones who were fighting to end slavery?!

Yep.
I said.
That's how it used to be. Lincoln's party. Ain't his party no more. No way.

___


HIM II.
These are today's treasures that brought him joy.

Gonna get on a high horse here for a sec: remember this image as Christmas approaches, fellow citizens and parents.

This is joy.

An empty canister of coffee to collect outdoor treasures in. A water bottle. A hat to keep semi-warm from the biting Gorge winds.

Joy. What do you need?

___


THEM.
A little of this, a little of that, and one more of this.

Post-race. She came in first this time around with a time of 28.23 seconds around the house. But silver is honorable as well. 33.07.

And there was one disqualified for not finishing. Or starting.

CHARACTER TRAITS | ADVENTURE.

A character trait we’re focusing on this month is Adventurous.

What does it mean to be adventurous; to have the spirit of an adventurer, to adventure into unknown or uncomfortable or dangerous territory? Can someone be adventurous in certain areas and not others?

Is it always a positive attribute? What other traits are related and often go hand-in-hand? And importantly: how do you KEEP AND BUILD a spirit of adventure throughout your life, not just childhood?

An embedded way of approaching life in every facet, not just in the ‘Jack London physical quest into untamed territory’ type? And who are good examples of adventurous spirits in cinema, literature, and history?

I am a big proponent of little ongoing and frequent adventures being as important as occasional bigger ones. Ones where you create, or explore, or discover something in a way that is exciting and unique and different than just approaching as a task to be completed. The road, the long winding road should be filled with wrong turns and side streets and abrupt stops.

Good thing I’m bad at directions.

___

FIRST DAY?

School Districts still on strike. No agreement yet. So no official first day at the alternative school 45 minutes away we commute to twice a week to join other families with similar educational investments in their children. 

I told the children today would be a soft start. Meaning we ran through a handful of items: 

• Khan Academy overview
• "About Me" posters. Always a highlight of the year. I love seeing the changes year to to year. They'll be working on them over the next couple weeks. I gave the first five items to include:
• Name and grade
• Animals
• Foods, desserts, drinks
• Future career
• Type of home, house, hut, castle, van, etc. they want to someday live in
• German and Latin. Jumping back into our explorations into Romance languages, which will also include a heavy dose of Greek prefixes, suffixes, and roots, and probably include more than a handful of stories ancient history, despite the fact that we're focusing on History of the Americas this year. :) 
• Coding. Johannes will continue with block-based, Magdelana will be moving into Javascript right away. 
• Photography. 

Of course their little brother is in the thick of it all. Off we go. Another year of adventure and exploration ahead!

THANK YOU TEDDY, NANCY, AND FRIENDS.

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This could be any number of things other than what it is. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the people and organizations, like #friendsofthegorge and #nancyrussell and #teddyroosevelt who have helped set aside land to be what it is for today and tomorrow: wilderness. Available for humans to enjoy and interact with respectfully. For us now and for the children of our children’s children and beyond. Thank you. Thank you! ___ #columbiagorge #44pacificnwplaces #childreninthewilderness #44children #pnwonderland @countessbecca @gorgefriends

THE DESCENT.

One time in Montana, I went floating down a giant rocky river without shoes.

You gotta use what you got, and sometimes if you don't got it, you still do it.

But life is a lot easier with the right equipment.

Like shoes on a rocky river.

HIGH, WE WERE ALL HIGH ONCE.

The throne he sat upon and within,
Contained by constraints and controlled and satiated with the patronizing gift of what the authorities called “dinner.”

The throne called “high chair.”
A device meant to enslave and prevent independent movement; a device intended to prevent the widespread spreading and sharing of food from a single geographic space;

An horrific instrument whose purpose was to control and keep a lesser species - homo sapien childus - from engaging in what Sir William Wallace called simply

“Freedom.”

My brother Joshua fought for freedom hard; alternating between fight and acceptance, and I learned much from him as he silently accepted morsels from the guards and would pretend to enjoy the prison meals he was begrudgingly gifted; I never saw him scream or heard him whimper.

He accepted the fate and ate in what the Italians call “silenzio,” save for when he sang, and his tool of protest was his hands. A refusal to bow to the authoritarian mandate of the ruling class, the Parentals, and to use his bare hands as Romulus once strangled Remus with his and lived in glory forever, as my brother certainly will, with his quiet Spartacus revolt against tyranny as he sat on high and devoured his “dinner” with bare fingers and fists; fork and spoon defiantly dropped to the floor far below.

Freedom, he sang in his heart to all; freedom was the song he sang, and slavery was the chair upon which he lived on high.

WOULD.

She would take him to walk the beach.

He would wear a long-sleeved striped shirt, and she would don a pink coat with hood; mom and boy a picture on the seashore.

Would she ever think about leaving him on the beach, alone, to fend for himself; a neo-Spartan infant fighting for survival against wolves and winter, but on Oregon beach and seagulls?

The waves would lap close to their ankles, and Jamey would squeal in terror, and were Mom to have run away, would he have perished in the slight water, alone? He would; he would; he would certainly have laid down and let the tide carry him, in a glorious Viking burial ceremony, at two years old, and still alive while the sea carried him to grave.

Would that have been a sad history; yes, were it to have happened, but it did not, because Mom knew what the world would miss, and it was him, it would have been him. I would have it not otherwise.

MANDATE.

There is a spark that every child has
- should have, deserves to have -
and it is our mandate to keep it alive,
and enable its spread.

The spark of adventure, curiosity, imagination,
intrigue,
truth-finding, connection-making,
and world-watching
that is the soul of every wandering wonderer,
no matter how many or how few moons have passed.

That spark will head toward an emberous death.
Or it will bonfire.
It will not stay the same.
It will head one direction or another.
To die or to
live.

We make choices.

Also, wear a helmet.

SPARKS, OMD, MEN AT WORK, BOY AT PLAY.

I discovered Sparks last year, the two brother duo who has been crafting their unique brand of (mostly) electropop for 40+ years. All over the place. Still have no idea how they escaped my radar throughout the last couple decades. As a huge fan of Men Without Hats, Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, and plenty of other '80s synth outfits, it seems inexplicable that I wouldn't have stumbled across them. Their collaboration with Franz Ferdinand (concretely acronymed FFS) was a pleasant and odd little surprise that highlighted both bands' strengths magnificently. Listen: Popular, Pulling Rabbits..., Johnny Delusional, Police Encounters Anyway. Our home will be filled with as much love and as many books, art supplies, and musical instruments as we can cram in and that will get used. Never too young to start making noise. That's where melodies are born. We gotta get him a Moog or 808 next... ____ #44music #sparks #ffs #evel0 #44artinprocess #musicproducer

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WHICH ONE?

Five minutes after we finished Tom Sawyer last week, one of them asked me if we could re-read. #happyheart

(and which river?)

ROYALS, THE OCEAN, SHACKLETON.

How I love these beasts.

DEAR DAD, AND ALSO POISON.

Dad.

I am not going to wish you happy birthday publicly this year.

If I do next year though, then I would probably say something about being grateful for your lack of horribleness and general sense of awesomeness, and I will try to remember to say something about knowing in my heart that you're funny, but who knows if you will be a year from now. Your sense of humor may be completely evaporated at that point. I hope not.

I will try to not forget to remember next year to tell you that. And we will listen to both The Beach Boys and Beastie Boys for old time's sake. But that's next year. For today, today is just another day.

Happy day. Glad you're my dad.

- Joseph Long

___

What are YOUR children's hobbies?

I have an idea for a venomous suit.
he said from the backseat.
Is it okay if I borrow some poison?

Well,
I said.
I'm intrigued.

It will be a very venomous and dangerous suit.
he said.
And I'll mix poisonous stuff, for example poison oak, with like...one centimeter of water.

It sounds dangerous.
I said.
Prohibitively dangerous.

Don't worry,
he said quickly.
I'll wear gloves when I'm mixing any of the toxic ingredients.

Well,
I said.
You make a good case for danger.

FRIENDS (IWATA AND CREW).

I'd give myself a C- for selfie-skills on this (yeah, that's me, with a smidgen of my right eye in frame). But more importantly, I would give our afternoon with these coolio peeps a solid A. Sorry, I don't do A+s unless there's water slides or ice cream buffets involved. But solid A. Wonderful, delightful chill time outside with loud children, savory snacks, hot beverages, nifty convo, hard playing, and loud children - yes, they were all uber joyful and the volumes of their combined voices carried to the 38th parallel. Fun times making memories with good buds. ____ #pnw #44pacificnwplaces #childrening #stokedcoffee

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Apr 29, 2017 at 10:45pm PDT

READING BUDDIES.

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If one of them looks like he can't read yet, it's because well...he can't. Or perhaps I should say, he has made the decision to not put the effort into learning how to yet. Three months old and it sometimes feels like he's learned nothing. Off to Finland we go. ____ #earlychildhoodeducator #drseuss #44books #evel0

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You're not muddy enough. I said. Go play harder. And then he polished off the day with some Quentin Blake reading in the late afternoon sun. Summer in the air. ____ #childhood #childrening #pnw #outdoorsman #playharder

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Mar 31, 2017 at 11:51pm PDT

NEKO VS. SHARON.

DC? I used to love Neko Case, but I'm kind of on a big Sharon Van Etten kick currently. Speaking of current...(see image). And speaking of current, our son (foreground) inadvertently recited Nikola Tesla as the third President yesterday. Ha! I'm sure he would not have made an optimal Pres, as everyone knows it requires the utmost highest level of qualifications to achieve that position. Most of the time anyway. Everyone knows that Thomas Edison made a much better third President than Mr. Tesla would have. ____ #presidents #inventors #44pacificnwplaces #mthoodnationalforest #armycorpsofengineers #sharonvanetten #nikolatesla

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BOY AT BEACH ILLEGALLY USING COFFEE CUP TO COLLECT ROCKS.

Medium roast, hold the whip, with salt water and crabs.

THIS IS A POLITICAL POST : CHILDHOOD IN THE GORGE.

There is no better high than discovery.

- Edward O. Wilson

COUPLED WITH:
...follow the path of virtue. It will not be overcrowded.
- Lloyd Alexander*, Westmark

*one of the great underrated and frequently underappreciated authors of the 20th century

ART OF THE START.

The children have been plotting out summer business plans; one hundred percent of which are some variation of selling items roadside.

Our daughter has had several ideas that hold promise, such as carefully working out a budget and profit/loss analysis for goods like homemade cookies ("two for a dollar") and lemonade ("fifty cents a glass").

Our son has also put a great deal of thought into his profit ventures, though his price points are slightly more aggressive. If any of you are driving past our place later this summer and have an extra seventy dollars for a cup of water, well...that's the price of doing business. With him.

As his parent, I look forward to appropriating a portion of any profit. I would urge you to purchase a tall glass of water. And one each for any passengers. Maybe you'll even get a discount. Then again...probably not. And don't even think of asking for extra ice cubes.

VIDEO GAMES (PLAYSTATION 8).

TILLAMOOK / OCEANSIDE.

Hometown (Tillamook). In which my dad drives us to get coffee and frolic at the seashore. He is awesome. Happy birthday, Dad. Also, thank you to my friend @phosphorescentmusic , whose lo-fi electro-psychedelia is quietly magnificent and celestial, and whom I have not met, but feel certain I might strike up a fine conversation with on an Oregon Coast beach walk someday. And probably shoot a video for one of his 2005 Aw Come Aw Wry tracks. Let's do it. #pnw #oregoncoast #phosphorescent #beach

A video posted by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on May 15, 2016 at 11:49pm PDT