BECAUSE, THAT'S WHY (FIVE THOUGHTS ON MEMORIALS AND GRIEVING).

Stick it high. 

Raise your hand if you love going to memorials.

No one? 

No one does. 

But we go. This family goes. Because we will be present. 

Raise your hand if you've ever said "...but I don't know what to say!"

Nobody does. 

But we say something, even if our mouths are silent.

If nothing else, we can give our time and we can bring our presence. 

Just playin'. 

So many people die on Game of Thrones. So many. 

Not gonna turn this into some 'desensitizing effect of violence depiction in pop culture.' Let me say this: 

It's ridiculous to pretend that the way we absorb death in film and television doesn't affect us. 

I am as strong a First Amendment advocate as some are for the Second (let's also be intellectually honest and consistent: you don't get to cherrypick which amendments you support and which ones you don't. Common sense, people. Common sense.). 

Point is, I support free expression and speech-related issues in many incarnations, including often unpleasant ones, and including the right of film and television to portray violence and death in exceptionally prolific and graphic ways. First Amendment ain't a little thing you apply when convenient and yank away when it applies to content you don't like. 

But let's be serious: of course those things desensitize us. Anything you experience over and over desensitizes you. I'm not saying violent content should be banned or censored. I'm saying it's irresponsible and asinine to pretend it doesn't affect us and take some sort of toll on our psyche. 

So what I meant when I said "not gonna turn this into some 'desensitizing effect of violence in pop culture' issue is that I'm going to do exactly that. 

We see death over and over and over, en masse, on screens. And it's often justified and makes us feel good because it's the righteous response to some atrocity we have the right to feel indignant about. So we cheer when violence begats violence and the bad dudes get what's coming. 

But it's all in long shot. It's a comedy cause it's in long shot, like Charlie Chaplin says. It doesn't get tragic until it's up close and you see who's actually getting hurt. 

And that's the thing about memorials: it's an opportunity to hurt together. En masse. To forgo the long shot of death at a distance, whether on a screen or a newspaper, and to experience it close up with those who are truly hurt and to feel the tragedy alongside, if only for a brief period. 

Maybe it's a statement that means only a tiny fraction of something. But I think it's better to do something that may mean something good, even if it's a fraction's fraction, than to take the easy route and do nothing. To make excuses, mostly under the valid banner of "...I don't think ____ cares whether I'm there or not."

We show up. Because our presence matters.

Walter

There are two episodes of television that I will probably return to for comfort at some point when my dad dies. I hope that time is a long, long time off. 

One of them takes place in a later season of the medical comedy Scrubs.

One of them is in a later season of the wonderful and underwatched science fiction show Fringe. 

The latter, especially, is a reminder of the beauty and the pain of having deep, deep relationships that hurt so much to lose. But you wouldn't give up having had them even though it hurts so much. Because they were special, they were beautiful, and they meant something meaningful that you will carry with you always. 

Who woulda thought?

For some reason, I usually feel like listening to Tame Impala after a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life service. 

Someday

Someday, I plan to research (for a short while, probably on Wikipedia) the social trend of moving from "funeral" to "memorial" to "celebration of life." 

I get it. Our choices of words are important. And there are distinctions amongst the three. But sometimes it seems like everything is about a 'a celebration of life' rather than the cold, formal 'funeral,' or slightly-more casual 'memorial service.' In the end, they're all about the same thing: acknowledging the passing of someone from one state to another; from life to death. 

Those little sugary nuts, please

If anyone ever asked my opinion about whether I would prefer to a) have food or b) not have food at a memorial service, I would generally say, 'a' most of the time. 

By 'generally,' I mean 'one hundred percent of the time.'

Don't skimp

Make sure people can hear. It's great to be able to see what people are saying about the deceased, but even more important, it's important to be able to hear what they're saying. 

So do what must be done to get appropriate amplification.

The clock

We all have better things to do.

Of course we do.

Death is not convenient. It often doesn't come at times that fit into our schedule.

But we drop those other things and show our respect by gifting our time.

Time is one of the few things we all have to give. And it's meaningful because there's no shortcuts or way of getting around it.

Until you're dead, you have no choice of whether or not to use your time. You're always using it in some way. It's a little like voting: a non-vote is still a vote, if nothing else for the status quo.

But unlike a vote, your time will be and can be used by only you.* 

If you were looking for the most efficient and effective way of using your time, then you should definitely not go to memorials. There are a thousand more productive ways to spend your time.

If we were robots or even androids, we should definitely just do away with funerals and memorials.

But we are people, and if the relationships we hold are a defining part of what makes us human, then the memorials we choose to attend should be defining reminders of the most beautiful and illogical traits that make us human to begin with.

The fragile and beautiful strength of relationships that are not about productivity or efficiency or logic.

They're about the ways in which we are bound to one another, by blood or friendship or many other ways; all ways that forge meaningful and lasting relationships that inevitably, at some point, will always, always come to an end.

And we can choose to give our time. One more time.

___

*the very fun 2011 Justin Timberlake science-fiction thriller notwithstanding, in which time is very much a tradable commodity. 

Suffer the ?

Children belong at these things. They may not understand exactly what's going on, but it is an opportunity for us to show them, to model for them, what it means to show respect and empathy and how to grieve as a community. 

Although he was referring to entirely different situations (innovation at MIT), I like how Hal Gregersen refers to "constant, generative questioning." Few things are harder to think about, and even more difficult to talk about, than death.

Of course we want to shelter and protect our kids from dealing with pain or tragedy or "adult things," yet I also think it's valuable to begin conversations about grief and empathy early. And death is usually the ultimate catalyst for bringing grief. It sucks. 

Children are good at asking questions, and maybe that's a good thing to have around more when we're dealing with grief and death. Death doesn't make sense. There's no good answers. 

But there's a million questions. Death is a catalyst for talking and trying to understand what it means to really live, the kind of lives we want to live, and the ways in which our lives are connected and impact with others. 

Death is a catalyst for a billion questions. And we should encourage those questions and be okay with not having great answers. Or good answers. Or any answers. Because that's one of the great lies embedded into a lot of formal education: the importance of learning super good answers.

No. The important part is the question; encouraging the questions. It is okay to talk about these things. We don't need to be afraid of having difficult conversations about tough things. And it absolutely, totally, and completely is...

...okay to keep asking questions for which there are not good answers. 

Talk about a great life lesson to get from death. 

Kids are great at figuring out when adults shoo them away from certain topics. There's the Big Two. Politics and religion. But death is the third, I think, possibly followed by sex. Or preceded by. But why?

I don't advocate for dumping 'adult stresses' on kids. But I do advocate for encouraging the asking of questions and a response to those questions that is authentic, open-ended if need be, and respectful of the fact that they simply asked those questions.

Do we want kids to stop asking questions, to stop exploring and discovering and wondering?

Most would say no. 

Our kids don't enjoy memorial services any more than any other kids. They don't get excited about going. But they know it's something we do when we need to, as a family. They know it's a ritual, a part of something bigger than ourselves and outside ourselves that we can contribute to, if only with our presence. 

It's not a bad thing for kids to understand there's pain, there's bad things that happen, and we can run away from those things or we can try to be part of something to make the world better. They might not understand a lot of it, depending on their age and development, but we can help them understand the importance of sharing these rituals together and bringing something important to them...

...ourselves.

So we show up. Because our presence matters. 

FILMS : RUDY AND A PROPOSAL IN FAVOR OF INTENTIONAL ATTENTION.

A few years ago, we watched The Karate Kid with the kids.

Last year, we watched Hoosiers. 

And this weekend, we watched Rudy. 

( image: https://www.collectors.com/autograph/rudy-ruettiger-signed-notre-dame-rudy-movie-poster-8x10-pho/4889367550548704066 )

1984, 1986, 1993. Some good years.

These three films have something in common. Something besides being sports stories or movies about underdogs.

All three are ones I loved as a kid, and was a little afraid to watch later with our children, for fear that I had mis-remembered, and the magic would be gone. Just a good childhood memory from my past that the kids won't understand and that I'll watch with my adult eyes and be unimpressed; tarnishing the beloved recollections of the past.

That's happened. But not with these three. The above three films are ones that I loved when I was younger, and loved possibly even more after seeing them with my own children. 

Beautiful.

Rudy is the 1993 true story retelling of an undersized, underachieving kid who refused to let anyone stomp on his dream of playing football for Notre Dame.

How does everything end up? Watch the movie. Three things though that stand out. I made up an acronym:

ATTENTION

I don't wish to go through life grumbling about "...how good things used to be." What a waste of time. At the same time, it's valuable to look to history and to the past if we really care about learning and growing - learning from what worked, what didn't, and figuring out what we can do better.

Camille Paglia, in her aptly-titled collection of essays Provocations writes about the "...preoccupation with our own modern period." Did she envision or intend for an essay on her problems with modern university campuses and free speech be used as a defense for the beauty of a tiny little sports film? Maybe not. But I couldn't help but note the relationship between a particular character trait of Rudy's and the way in which that particular trait seems more and more archaic. Without wishing for all to return to how it was, I was reminded of some of the ways in which as a society at large, we did...better. Specifically with attention.

As a culture and country, we used to give better attention. Educators and parents and many people love to bemoan the decreasing attention spans of youth today, and they frequently bemoan these things without offering the best thing they can offer:

themselves as model for what it means to be present and to give your attention, your focus to what's happening in the moment and to what is important to you in the future, and to hone in on that with intensity and drive and purpose and stay after it. 

We've been reading and studying Shakespeare this year with the kids. Not his original words, not yet. That'll come. The wonderful Charles & Mary Lamb adaptations early in the 19th century. Written for children.

Written for children. Designed to "...make the stories of Shakespeare's plays familiar to the young." A focus on plot and character, with simple forays into theme and language was a way to introduce young readers to the beauty of the Bard...and ideally provide a gateway to exploring his work in all its complexity and richness.

Here's the thing: they were written for children at the time. Early 1800s. But now you crack open the first pages and compare them to the majority of children's lit written today, and your first impulse is to say...huh? This isn't for children! It's over their heads! The language is weird and those words are too big for them to understand and they won't be able to follow what's happening and...

Here's the thing though. It's not.

It's not.

Our expectations have changed, and our ability to give attention, to model attention, and to teach attention has changed. In perhaps a not-so-positive-way. The net affect the attention dilution has had is in lowering expectations.

When you lower expectations, you lower people's ability to rise and become their best. Children are still capable of understanding, comprehending, and enjoying Shakespeare - including the Lamb siblings' adaptations - but we need to reframe our expectations of what they're capable of and help show them the importance of sticking with something; of giving attention to something because we know they can. And we know that it will bring them joy, satisfaction, and a sense of competence and confidence once they achieve that threshold. 

That's what Rudy did. He set his sights on something difficult, if not impossible, and went after it. And kept his attention on it.

There's a point where some teammates become irate at him for making him look bad in practice because he's going too hard. He's pushing them too hard. Just chill, man. Slow down. Take it easy. it's just practice.

What does he do?

He stands his ground. He does not back down. No. I will not give less than what I'm capable of. If I don't give you everything I have, then I won't be helping you be as prepared as you can be when it's game time. 

He stands his ground and he demands that his teammates give everything. Starting with their attention and focus in every moment they are preparing.

He's not a great student, but it's imperative that he figure out how to get better grades because if he doesn't, his dream will fail and he'll never play football for Notre Dame.

So he gives his attention, his focus, his everything to whatever will help him achieve that dream. He doesn't do one thing one day, and something else the next, and get distracted by this or that.

He gives his attention. And here's one of the things I love about this movie: he doesn't just give his attention in a big sense to pursuing the dream. He gives his attention in all his interactions with others. Parents, professors, priest, coaches, groundskeeper, friends, teammates. He gives his attention in the moment.

And that is a reminder that is timeless.

SINCERITY

I love Rudy's sincerity; his transparency about his dream. He owns it. He doesn't pretend like it's something that he'd like to happen, but if it doesn't, well...no big deal. No. He lets people know it's everything. He cannot understand why anyone would not give everything they had to be part of something important.

He fights hard and he isn't afraid to let people know when something's gotten to him. When he's betrayed in a big way by people close to him, he doesn't hide or try to disguise how it affects him. It hits him hard and he acknowledges it.

Even as he's made fun of, over and over and over by those close to him, he still keeps his relationships with them, even while they're hurting him. He lets them know in spite of their cynicism, their belief in his inevitable failure, he still keeps coming back to let them know: this is still important to me and I'm still going after it.

He doesn't take the sneering, slouching, post-modern tack of "..whatever."

No. He is not a "whatever" guy. He is a "whatever I need to do" fellow.

SUPPORT

“My whole life, people have been telling me what I could do and couldn’t do. I’ve always listed to ’em, believed in what they said. I don’t wanna do that anymore.”

Who's in his corner? Who's fighting for him? Who's saying you can do it!

Uh, it's a small list. Mostly himself and his indomitable, inextinguishable dream.

I asked the kids, as his family mocked him repeatedly, "...is that the kind of support you'd like to be for your family's dreams?"

He pursued his dream mostly alone. He made some friends and built up respect with his teammates and those around him, but he fought alone. And that is so...

...sad.

We all feel alone at some point. Pretty sure of that.

I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world when I feel like that - and I do sometimes - because if there is someone who can never use the excuse that "I've done it alone," it's me.

(the face of an active dreamer who has been busy dreaming while working)

I've had incredible support my whole life, beginning with my parents, siblings, family. Unlike Rudy.

He went it alone, and eventually...well, watch the movie.

But how sad is that, to have to pursue your dream alone?

I want to be a dream-enabler.

I want to help be a support system for other people and help provide both emotional and tactical support for their focused dreams.

I don't know if I'll ever be on a stage accepting an Academy Award.

But maybe I'll someday be watching and have somebody say:

"...and thank you to Joseph Long, who listened to me, who supported me, and who believed in my dream. Thank you."

That would mean something to me too.

That's something important to me. To provide dream support with everything I've got to those important to me.

FIVE THINGS | DAVE BRUBECK, DIVERGENT QUESTIONING, TWO YEAR OLDS, COUNTESS BECCA, MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I can enjoy conversations with a wide variety of people, but one thing I don't ever see happening is me getting along with somebody who has anything - and I mean anything - negative to say about Dave Brubeck's 1959 masterpiece Blue Rondo à la Turk. Oftentimes great songs, and especially great jazz, can take repeated listenings to really get into. Not Blue Rondo. Consider rotating into your Sunday morning listening schedule for the rest of your life. You're welcome.

___

I have been processing and cross-pollinating the synthesis of two ideas the last couple weeks. Number one, the idea of framing. The way we choose to frame our approach to a particular situation, decision, or problem. And number two, the idea of divergent questioning; the antithesis of convergent questioning, in which questions are asked that have closed and absolute answers. Divergent questions might be described more simply as open-ended; questions that invite ideas and excitement; that generate possibilities and enthusiasm and snowball into more questions. Divergent questioning also involves giving up a certain amount of ego or expertise and acknowledging that in tackling a particular situation or problem, often the best thing you can do first off is to ask the best question possible...which brings us back to the importance of framing. 

So how do we frame our approach to anything, family or social or work or creative or logistical or whatever, in a way that prioritizes divergent questions and invites ways to solve or approach it that get us excited about tackling it?

Anyway. 

___

Our two-year old. Technically, 27-month old, or 2.25 year old, or 2 1/4, etc. but counting in months starts to get ridiculous after...two. In the last two weeks, it is astounding the leaps he has made. Probably a greater two-week evolution than any period that comes to mind in his lifetime thus far. He is drawing frenetically, frantically, and frequently, and they have started to become recognizably representational; generally as family members or Sesame Street characters. 

And humor, oh thank you, thank you thank you God and universe for helping him to not have a dreadful sense of humor, or to simply lack one period. It appears that he has one that is functioning, as evidenced by his pleasure in adding "poop" to the end (or beginnings) of words and deliberately referring to uncles as "aunties;" something which sends him into hysterical gigglings. 

Sadly, he consistently skips over six and seven when he's counting to ten. Child specialist visits, here we come.*

___

Oh, we're 20 weeks into the new little one coming along. This is what functions as an announcement; buried on this little blog on this little post halfway through. 

I approach big information a little like super rich people approach cell phones: the wealthier you are these days, the more you seem to divorce yourself of functional "necessities" like mobile phones. The more important the information and news we have to share, the less inclined we are to share it to the world en masse. Sometimes scarcity is what makes something special; sometimes that's the very definition.

Silly us. 

___

Becca has been attending a dental convention the past two days. The children and I have embarked on transit adventures throughout Portland during a large chunk of this time, but that is for another time and for when I have the energy to properly highlight and embellish those tales. 

Regarding Becca: I am so proud of the way she approaches these classes. Continuing Education (CE) is required for her field. At some point during the year she needs to get a certain number of credits to keep an active license. Back to that whole idea of framing: there are plenty of people who grumble and groan about having to go through the process every year of attending CE courses.

Not Becca. She is a learner. An educator at heart; someone who actively seeks improved ways of doing her job and broadening the parameters of what it means to serve others in a professional capacity. She has approached her career with both confidence and humility as long as I've known her - which is her entire career. :) Every year it is more amazing to me how she performs work that is physically exhausting and often emotionally draining, yet she consistently frames her experiences with patients in the most positive ways and constantly looks for the good in the people she interacts with. 

She frames her CE required courses as opportunities; as a chance to improve. Instead of coasting, of gliding through and doing the minimum possible, of finding the fastest, easiest classes; of joining the inevitable choruses in any field of grumbling...she has chosen to quietly, confidently, humbly get everything possible out of these courses. Not just attend. Not just listen and take a few notes. Not just sign in to get it over with. 

She goes to these and she comes back with ideas and excitement and is full of enthusiasm about new and fresh ways to be a better hygienist. 

What a wonderful example. She is a living example to me of one of my fave quotes:

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

I love that.

I love her.

I love how she illuminates the world around and constantly seeks, quietly and humbly, to improve. 

Thank you. 

*kidding

POEM : WHEN I WAS A KID, KID.

When I was a kid,
I did everything right, I did, I did.
Said proper things almost always,
Like ‘you’re welcome, thank you, and another jelly donut, please.’

When I was a kid, I was so good to be around.
A more delightful child could rarely be found.
That’s how I remember those things
Ah, the rush of memories my childhood brings.

I’m an adult now and way bigger than you
Because I obeyed my parents, I grew, and grew, and grew.
Every time they said do this, do that!
I said of course, I’ll do all my chores, a rat a tat tat!

They’d ask me once to do my choring
And if I recall, never once did I call them boring.
See, as a big person now,
I remember things exactly right,
Like how I used to say perfect prayers beside bedside at night.

Did I do everything a child should do just as it should be?
Whose to say? well, since you’re asking me, I’ll set the truth free.
I probably made mistakes,
Like leaving sharp end facing up on garden rakes

- Poor Grandma, sorry!

But really, the way I remember my days as a child
Is how I did it all perfect, and never ever was wild.
Did I ever do anything wrong?
Maybe twice, but didn’t last very long.

See, I’m super big now, and you’re a still a tiny kid.
So when I tell you all these things that I did.
You’re gonna have to trust me that I was super good at being a little child person,
Like you could be now, except I spoke proper grammar one hunnert percent and hardly ever used cursin.

There wasn’t the gramming of insta post racing
Or the chat snap post making of photo book facing.
Social meed wasn’t around when I was a kid
To share with the world all that I did.

So when I tell you all the true things about me,
Trust me and don’t read my teenage about me diary, you see, you can
Believe me that all I say to you now
Is exactly how I did it right, pretty much exactly almost how.

So when you do something wrong kid, when you misbehave,
When you’re a naughty, imperfect whiny kinda grumbling knave,
Trust me when I say I was the opposite,
I wasn’t like that, totally not, not one little iota or bit.

I managed childhood quite well,
And washed my hair good so I wouldn’t horribly smell.
I never peed on the potty seat
And I volunteered to help mom handgrind the wheat.

I said yes mommy, yes daddy dear,
Shall I clear everyone’s plates, it’s no prob, I’m really quite near!
In fact, shall I hand wash the cups and the delicate dishes,
Are there other chores you need done or tasks your heart wishes?

Dad, I can do four or five loads of laundry,
And mom, should I rewire the track lights, I’ll give you a good deal, how about for you...free!
I jumped in to tackle with both feet
My ego in check and initiative discrete.

Merely doing what needed to be dones
Because I was a child, like you now, daughters and sons
I didn’t grumble or mumble or fret or frown,
I knew those would let mom and dad dreadfully down.

I swept and I mopped and I made dinner for many
And accepted no earnings or pay, not a single bent penny.
I was a kid, and I did what had to be done,
Even the things that weren’t very much fun.

When my parents said ‘mow the yard,’
I said ‘OK, and then can I do another chore that’s even more hard?’
If there was a problem I had,
It was being too obedient a lad.

Children, doesn’t that sound like a fun problem to possess?
To be the best kid around and a little more, not less.
Cause being a kid is following orders exact
I think that’s how I remember what I tried to enact.

Please don’t ask my parents about when I was a kid.
Their memories are not always right about what I didn’t or did.
Just trust me when I say,
‘When I was a kid, I did things so perfect in every way.

Every day.’

Remember to not ask my parents about me.

POEM : REST STOP.

The temp was 86, I reckoned.
Call of sweet ice caffeine to me beckoned.
My cool dude sons, I told
We gonna get some drinks, super duper cold.

This would be time well spent, I knew
Me and my boys make quite the crew.
We’d chill and chat and talk about Leonidas
And tell stories about creatures that could potentially bite us
One was excited to talk of Athens and Sparta too.
One was not and would rather play peekaboo.
where there’s a way there’s a will
And where’s there’s this guy there’s a pill.
Strolled into the conditioner cooled place
Thump thump Ace of Bass smile to my face
Boys, we gonna hang in here a real short while
You be good for pops, please go the extra mile?

The seven nods, the one-year toots
Old guys look up, mustachioed cowboy coots
Little fists my chest for YES
Relief immediate I have to confess,

We gonna chill guys, I firmly say
Boy look up: I obey dad, pretty much almost every day.

So here the plan
Clock go tick tick man
We keep a low profile
Then we leave after a little while

I order my drink while one boy starts math
The other one, I notice, needs a bath
But his help is immense
As he shakes my wallet of dollar and cents
Set him down to the floor,
He make a run for the door
Hey you buddy! I shout!
That whole low key thing, what that about?

He looks around frantically, frenetic concern
That his whereabouts I’ll soon completely discern
I already have, certainly so
Because I am dad, and I told him no go.

His eyes scan the coffeehouse place
And search for a comrade kinda face.
He sees a middle age man
And swiftly devises a plan,
Waddling over to overstuffed chair
He points and he grunts like an underfed bear.
His Morse code bleeps and dot dashes
Are too incomprehensible for the man with mustaches.
I stalk over to both parties of men
He wants outside, I explain, but that’s somewhere he’s already been

Boy puffs and he huffs and he gets super mad,
But I remind him again of who is still dad.
You’re not escaping from here,
I remind him.
Your mind is bright but your memory is dim.
I win, I win again, I win all the time,
And whoever you bribe, will take more than a dime.

He listened real close , well most
except for two teen girls to whom he could boast.
In line they stood for some afternoon treat
A beverage to nullify eighty six heat.
He attracted their attention with focused intention,
His plan was something I’d rather not mention
But involved a loud thunder from down under,
His diaper shaking, almost ripped super asunder.
They giggled and chuckled and smiled at him.
That was all needed to blow kisses to them.
Low profile! I hissed.
The idea was that we’d never be missed.

He laughed and climbed up out of my lap.
Please oh please I breathed; maybe a nap?
Upon the communal table we shared
He laid down his plumb body and head blond haired
Stretching out to full length on back
He gathered lungs for a vocal attack
Attack of the singing boy song
Who might ever think it to be very wrong?

Well, when a profile presence tiny is what you’ve desired
But singsonging diaper poet instead is what has been hired
Then the table dancing song sing diaper man
Is simply not on the list of good plan, no nuh uh man.

I turn to help other son with some numbers
Instead make mistake and brain feeling dead or under deep slumbers.
The escape artist sees a break and makes it happen
Irrepressible spirit no thwarten or dampen.
He runs to a friendly 20ish fellow
Who perhaps seems appropriately mellow.

The year old criminal marches up to this millennial cool dude
With the moxie and grace of a hipster elite attitude
And picks up his juice bottle and keys
With nothing so much as a please
I race over and redact them from dirty fat hand
And scream what did you super not understand?

He cries for a while
But five seconds after with apparentless guile
He smiles and points to the newspaper stand.
Look I say but don’t touch.
If you do, I won’t probably like you more much.

He obeys letter of law and leaves the Wall Street Journal alone
But begins scampering up newspaper RACK to climbing skills hone.
He gets up ten feet or so,
Stops to smile at me far down below
I shake my head and sigh with sadness
I thought we’d relax here, but it’s simply been madness
My drink is melting in sad little plastic
I thought this would be some relaxing fantastic

I reach up high to lift him all the way down
He disagrees with decision and scowls noisy clown frown.
But back at his seat he sits content
With a book that cost a buck ninety-nine cent
There’s animals in it and pictures of cows too
He lets the whole place know that chickens say cock-a-doodle-moo
But he tires of that whole reading scene soon
And begs and screeches for a knife or a spoon
Cause the best soundtrack for relaxation
In this beautiful nation of creation
Is to drum the beat of your heart
With something loud and noisy and do your part
To fill a room with huge massive noise
And remind everyone you’re not of those demure quiet boys

We finally at last do start to depart
I mentally list what to purchase at the grocery mart
As I drag him out under my arms
I remember a picture of sweet orangutan farms
And consider the notion of a donation far across the ocean, but ixnay this mental deliberation as a no-go motion
This child is funny and dirty and a little wild too
And has trouble remembering that monkeys don’t moo.
But I am fond of him most of the times
Even when busy with non-felony crimes.
I juggle a backpack some books, and squirmy big little him
And he grabs the lid of my drink by the broad icy brim
With grubby fingers he yank and yink
Too late instincts react as my heart sank and then sink.
He pulls the straw fully all out
And draws his arm back, five feet or so there is no doubt
He winds it around like a big league thrower
This boy who sprout up faster than a big weed grower
And he snaps the straw like a personal challenge or dare
With a laugh, a toot, and an air of what do I care?
The coffee drops fly in slow motion
Like a tidal wave from the deep ocean
I don’t stop to see where they land
Because customers won’t understand
They’ll growl at me and say why didn’t you raise him cute?
And before I’ll reply, he’ll cackle and smile and make a big toot.

So we’ll fly out of there really fast
Before I’m beat up and wearing a cast,
And I’ll remember so well, fleeing pell mell
This relaxation hour of coffee shop h-e-l-l.

And know that he’ll sleep super good tonight and be well rested
After another full day of dad battle-tested...

...oh no, please tell me he didn’t just drink half my fully-caffeinated coffee...

Some new buds. Kody, Christian, Jacob, and Cody (l to r). If you look closely at the middle of the photograph, there's also a really short person. “He’s gonna be a shredder,” Kody said. “For sure.” Super neat humans. Thanks guys. There’s always people looking up to you. #flyviewaerial #44pacificnwplaces #skateparks #battlegroundwa #allthepeopleinalltheworld #childhood #44children #scootergang #pnwlife

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on May 14, 2018 at 9:00pm PDT

POEM : HOMO FOMO.

Humans; the Latin is homo
Humanity; a feeling we share is the one called FOMO
Fear of missing out
Feeling we all know about
The dreadful lurking horror
That life may have something morer;
An event we’ll forget about
Until Instagrammed later from friends who gotta post I tout, no doubt;
How it was so awesomeous lit
And none should have missed it, not one moment original minute or bit.
But you did, you missed the big thing
And everyone knows it, ya big ding a-long ding.

My little bro Jonny, big muscled blonde and best aerial shooter maybe
Was once a wee chunk of a big-headed baby
Who could totter and teeter and crawl and climb,
but he couldn’t walk, despite a mile-long smile sublime.

The older he got,
the more people thought,
“Will the boy ever walk?”
Mom, dad quieted this talk
informed the teachers and helpers and weigher-in inners
That he would stand tall and move
When he felt he was ready to groove.

He creeped and he crawled and he blubbered along,
his roll-poly body and gargantuan voice singing a song.
On four limbs he moved hominid style
Moving along though it took him a while

Was he developing correctly and quickly?
Probably not, I thought, my poor brother sickly.
He moves like a tired and crippled old horse
A horse with no legs or limbs, of course.
But someday, I knew and believed
He would stand up and commit to performing the deed;
The deed to propel him to succeed, to lead,
One foot and then the other in front of another.

And when that finally occurred
The memories of when he didn’t would be blurred;
None would care or bring to mind
The lateness with which he walked like the rest of childkind.

Did he miss out on those early years of tottering on twos?
Did it cause his future to have much to lose?
The things that we miss are a reality reel
And a reminder to simply enjoy the real that is the real deal;
To not dwell on what was wasn’t or where we weren’t,
But to be grateful for what we did actually experience and learnt.

There will always be lessons we learn very soon or too very late,
and sometimes it feels like ugly claws of fate, which we all often hate.

But we learn what we learn and we keep moving in a direction ,
Even if the direction seems wrong because of a poor people’s choice election.

We can’t be everywhere for everyone for everything and stamp every visa,
And we’ll likely never meet every girl with the middle name Lisa.
There’s stuff we’ll miss out on and that’s okay,
So better to try and simply enjoy every day.

POEM : THE WIPERS ARE BROKEN.

Free yourself from intimidation,
The wise said with elucidation
‘Imagine that important person naked,
who has eaten a pastry that was baked.’

It is a leveler, a democratizer, an image of equality
That works magnificently, yet it seems to me,
to go one step more
And bring us to a similar level of floor,
We might also remember
That all, born in January through December,

Once wore diapers
And needed assistance from wipers
Or else they went naked and bare butted
Their dignity intact and ungutted.

But as the philosophy book reads
That begs and asks and pleads
To remember that everyone poops
Digesting what was ingested, from breads to broccolis to soups

For every leader on high
Still lowers their fanny with sigh
And a grunt and a cough and a push and a toot
Whether delicate angel or big hairy brute.
They do what they must,
With no grumble or fusst.

A normal part of being
Like walking or breathing or seeing.
So if someone seems important and mean
Imagine them eating a bowlful of bean
And sitting later on their important throne
With a gasp, a sigh, and a moan

That is horrible to imagine, but sometimes you must
To remember that all are equal, and all turn to dust

We all once had diapers or something thereof
We were all once wiped and taken careof.

So be nice and stand proud,
Don’t be intimidated by those who are loud,
And remember that those who act like a grump
Still are human and make silly noises from their rump.

How to lounge. ___ Thx for the music, @blackheartprocession 😀 #lounging #44books

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Apr 24, 2018 at 9:43pm PDT

GSE : The Way Life's Meant to Be.

Life* is filled with a curious and erratic pattern of planning and chaos; the neat coexisting with the messy, and careful strategizing falling prey to unplanned ad hoc opportunities, adventure, and sometimes incidents disguised as setbacks. But amongst the veering from one extreme to another, the question always has to be asked: are you ready to rock & roll through it all? Are you gonna try to have fun? You better. I just added a track to my five-star songs list - it is a short list that gets perhaps a couple fresh additions a year. From the perennially underrated #ElectricLightOrchestra and Jeff Lynne from 1981. "The Way Life's Meant to Be." If you miss George Harrison, just listen to this already. I'm gonna go cry now. The good kind. Rock on, friends. I dedicate this post to three of the finest musicians of our time, Jeff Lynne, @jasonlytle , and @jmlongmusic . Rock well, musicmakers. ____ #elo #44music #jefflynne #greatestsongever #evel0 #forksoverknifes *our life

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Jul 26, 2017 at 7:30pm PDT

THEY GROW UP FAST-ISH.

One day they can barely change their own diapers, the next they're skulking around spying on you while you're trying to read ten pages of #Child44 on the sly. What curious creatures. ____ #evel0 #childrening #long2017 #hoodie #spy #tomrobsmith #44books

A post shared by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Apr 5, 2017 at 9:50pm PDT

UNDERWORLD IF RAH.

risen.

My son and I got into a huge fight today over the merits of the new Underworld release Barbara Barbara, We Face a Shining Future. I have been a fairweather fan of the Brit electronic pioneers for years, occasionally loving, often ambivalent, but find this current release to be their best in a decent while. We were enjoying a good wrestle earlier while track 2, "If Rah," was playing, when he extricated himself from leaping on my face to run over and turn it OFF. "I don't like how they're just repeating the same thing over and over," he explained. As a fellow self-expressed electronic music aficionado, it was surprising to hear him say this, and disheartening in the extreme. I quit playing with him and threatened to put on John Cage. Children can be so temperamental. ____ #underworld #barbarabarbarawefaceashiningfuture #44music

A photo posted by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Mar 28, 2016 at 10:53pm PDT

BLURRY PHOTO COUPLED WITH MOSTLY INSPIRING MESSAGE JUST WAITING TO BE TURNED INTO POSTER.

"Sometimes, you don't shoot for something because you know you'll make it.

Sometimes, you simply shoot because you know that every day you shoot you'll get a little bit closer and someday, SOMEDAY...you WILL make it.

Or you won't. That's a possibility too, in which case your time could probably have been spent practicing something else more likely to pay off."

- me

KID .

A child is never too young to A) learn to say 'thank you,' or B) start listening to Radiohead, although it may be years before they fully absorb the importance of either. Foundations.

They're both important, possibly equally so.

AMERICAN GOTHIC WORK BEE.

AMERICAN GOTHIC WORK(ER) BEES.
When kids are young, they ought to learn to do chores because...it's just a beautiful reality of life you're never too young to learn: that you are a valued part of your environment and you can become a beneficial part of it by pitching in with whatever abilities or skills you have at that particular stage.

But of course, the other reality is that it usually takes a lot longer to have little ones help out as they're learning; it's more for philosophical, relational, existential, and developmental reasons than practical ones. Teaching someone how to do something is a great deal more challenging and time-consuming than simply doing it yourself. But totally worth it to see satisfaction, accomplishment, and a bit of pride in a task completed. And possibly even completed...well.

AND...then they get older and at a certain point become
ACTUALLY HELPFUL
in an efficient and concrete way.

That's pretty cool too. I love seeing kids get excited about work.

Of course, everyone should re-read Tom Sawyer* at least once every couple years.* Some of the best parenting advice ever to be extrapolated from it.

Happy weekend, universe! :)
____

*or anything Mark Twain

A photo posted by Joseph Long (@josephivanlong) on Jan 16, 2015 at 10:29pm PST

THE IMPORTANT LESSON IS: KNOW WHEN TO QUIT.

"What is one plus one?"
I asked my three-year old.

- "Two."

"Good. Two plus two?"

- "Four."

"Correct. Three plus three?"

- "Six."

"Nice. Five plus five?"

- "Ten."

"Nice. Four plus four?"

- "Umm...fifteen."

"Nope. Way off."
____

Five in a row and I mighta taken him to Disneyland. Next time, kid. Keep practicing.

ALWAYS.

MY SON, MY SON, TESLA MY SON.

He is laying in bed practicing lines from Princess Bride:

"Inconceivable...unconthievable...never do a land war...inconthifi - Daddy, I like the little pirate, is he bigger than me? He's funny, I really like him."

- "Yep, even though he's little, he's still way bigger than you,"
I answered.

Somewhere amidst his bedtime philosophizing, he also gave us a very helpful idea for Christmas:

"You know what would be so cool, Daddy?! A big toilet in my bedroom so when I need to go potty I can just use the big potty in my bedroom! Wouldn't that be cool?"


Yes, son, it truly would be...Santa likes innovative thinking, so we shall see what surprises this holiday season has in store for my forward-thinking son, and his Mum. The best surprises are the ones you don't even see coming...

JAMES FRANCO'S FRIENDS.

Caleb & J.Xavier I.

THE IMPORTANT LESSON IS: KNOW WHEN TO QUIT.

"What is one plus one?"
I asked my three-year old.

- "Two."

"Good. Two plus two?"

- "Four."

"Correct. Three plus three?"

- "Six."

"Nice. Five plus five?"

- "Ten."

"Nice. Four plus four?"

- "Umm...fifteen."

"Nope. Way off."
____

Five in a row and I mighta taken him to Disneyland. Next time, kid. Keep practicing.

A Childrening Manifesto

A CHILDRENING MANIFESTO.

by Joseph Ivan Long 2012.

The only thing that qualifies me to make the following observations is the fact that I have been a dad for five years, a husband for ten, and a brother for thirty-three. These are certain core beliefs I have that may or may not be shared by others, but they they are of infinite importance to me, as a dad who wants our children to continually become more loving, kind, curious, adventurous, and empathetic people. And I think those are good things for adults to work on too :)

01. Childrening is a child-centric approach to raising children.

It is not a renunciation of adulthood or rejection of such mature concepts as "responsibility," rather, it is the embracing of an adventurous, open-minded enthusiasm that is born in every one of us, and often sucked out slowly as we are not-so subtly pushed out of the world of magic and into the world of "reality."

02. Enable the enthusiasm of childhood,

regardless of age, and of recognizing that the world is a better place when people are able to be themselves, without fear of ridicule. Skip, whistle, blow bubbles, fly balloons, and sing very loud. Good exercise, and your spirits will fly also.

03. Everybody has strengths.

Sometimes they are latent strengths that must be encouraged and reinforced. You can focus on your weaknesses. Or you can focus on your strengths. As a parent, I can do the same for my children. It does not mean ignoring areas that need improvement, or that are not inherently evident, but it means framing an approach to each child that recognizes their unique strengths and optimal ways of communicating and interacting.

04. Ban the word 'boring.'

Boring is the saddest word I can think of. Sad, because it is the equivalent of raising your hand and saying, "I have not developed my imagination to a point where I can find an interesting, fun, meaningful way to experience this situation." 

05. Why?

"Why?" is a question that should be a fundamental building block of every person's day. You don't earn the right to ask it when you hit a certain age. Do children need to learn obedience? Yes. But they also need to learn that after obeying, they have the right to inquire, "Why?"

Simply, curiosity is good.

06. For parents, childrening is about making the decision that your child's interests come before your own.

A. You lose the right to engage in self-destructive behavior.

B. Whenever there is a decision where there is conflict between your own reputation with your peers and between doing the right thing in the moment for your child, you will choose the latter. This is enormously freeing, and paradoxically, allows you to return to that beautiful place of early childhood where you are not aware of how others perceive you. You simply like what you like, do what you do, and are who are because that's who you want to be. Basically, the elimination of embarrassment.

07. The Fun Theory.

There is fun to be found in virtually every activity. If it isn't there, make it up. Invent a fun way of doing something that others might call "boring." Re-read Tom Sawyer if you need ideas. Pay special attention to his approach to fence-painting.

08. There is Adventure in every day.

Re-read Huckleberry Finn. There is something new to learn. There are new songs to dance to. There are new poems to memorize, new jokes to tell, fresh food to try, crazy ways of making beds, strangers to say hi to, food carts to test, art to create, and memories to document. There is no reason to not make it an adventurous day.

09. Where do children learn to dislike doing things like…making beds? 

It is (almost) always possible to frame a task in a way that is imaginative and fun. They learn to dislike those things from adults. So be an adult who is good at having fun while doing mundane tasks. They aren't mundane to everyone.

10. There is no better form of teaching than modeling. 

Walk the walk. Live life as an adventure and that is how your children will learn to live it. Teach them fear, dread, and paranoia, and that is the world they will build around themselves. Show them (actively) love, affection, and self-respect and they will learn to treat the world the same.

11. There is never a need to preface something with "This is going to be educational."

Education should be embedded in every waking moment. It should be disguised, always, as something fun.

12. The only power source you need to be be able to play is the sun.

13. Do not speak down to children. 

There is a difference between speaking in language they can understand and between speaking in ahierarchical way that is a constant reminder to them of how they are young, immature, inexperienced, and their opinions are cute little footnotes to be disregarded. Let them know their opinions matter and are being taken seriously. Let them know they are respected by actively listening.

14. There are Rules, there are Laws, and there are Societal Mores. 

They shouldn't be confused with one another, particularly when it comes to expectations of gender. Childrenlearn not to like certain people, certain foods, certain kinds of everything from adults. Obviously, they will not spend their entire life having their preferences and choices made for them. But especially with younger children, they watch and absorb the expectations and labels that adults place on them; the foundation they begin to build is one based on the world they grow upon. When they hear phrases like,

"He's just really shy"

"She's such a little princess girl"

"He is 100-percent boy…"

these roles become the foundational building block that they will construct their permanent identities around. Self-fulfilling prophecies. Powerful.

15. Sibling relationships / Empathy.

The foundation of our children's peer relationships will be with each other. They will always be at different stages of development and have differing interests. They will build their own groups of external friends. But from birth onward, we will actively help and support the relationships they build with each other. 

It is the quality of empathy that sibling relationships offer the chance to help construct. Our children will grow into very differing people and personalities. But they will grow up looking out for each other, mentoring, listening, guiding, confiding, playing, and loving. I am under no illusions that this means conflict-free relationships. But there will be an embedded sense of respect…and respect and empathy are conjoined twins. If we want children to care about a world outside of themselves as teenagers and adults, it begins with teaching and modeling for them to build positive, empathetic relationships with those closest to us.

16. Wrestling, not fighting.

No kicking. No hitting. No scratching.

Roughhousing, yes.

When someone says "Stop" or "No,"

respect it.

Wrestling - actual physical wrestling - is something that no Wii game can ever compete with.

17. Who decides what activities or interests are 'boy ones' and which are 'girl ones?'

I don't know. Never got the memo. And if I did get the memo, I would burn it. Little boys are supposed to like trucks. So we get them trucks. Little girls are supposed to like dolls. So we get them dolls. Maybe our son will like trucks and maybe he'll like dolls. Maybe he'll like both. Or maybe neither. Whatever it is my children are into, that is what I will be doing. It will not be determined by pre-existing gender mandates that are subtly, unconsciously, repetitively ingrained into us every day.

18. "My parents did __________, and I think I turned out just fine  (false).

People often take the attitude that because a person or situation "turned out fine," it means there's no need for a critical evaluation of what might be done different or better. Yes, many adults grew up getting spanked and turned out "fine." Does that mean it was a healthy disciplinary approach?

No. There are so many better ways to handle discipline and respect than corporal punishment.

There were many people who were humiliated, mocked, and put-down upon as children and teenagers. Many turned out fine. Does that make their (painful) experiences "Okay?" 

Resounding No.

There is sometimes an attitude that growing up is "tough" and that undergoing certain experiences is a "normal" part of childhood. That is RIDICULOUS. Drinking, drug abuse, sexual trauma and suicide are far-too common, but that doesn't make them anymore "normal" than undergoing peer bullying, teacher/parent humiliation, or having stereotypes* perpetuated at a time when self-confidence and identity is formulating.

Kids may "get through" these experiences, but it does NOT make them "okay."

19. Ritual.

We have choices today. More choices than at any point in history. Food, clothes, entertainment, toys, movies….we have an overwhelming number of choices with everything.

Reducing the number of choices we have does not diminish our freedom or independence. It clears our minds and gives us the opportunity to really prioritize our time and spend time making experiences and enjoying what we have, instead of so much time trying to figure out what we still need to get, and add to our already numerous options.

If a child has a hundred toys to play with in a day, she will eventually get to all 100. A little time with each, then on to the next.

If a child has one toy, she will imagine and create a hundred scenarios for it. And if there is an adult with imagination, attention, and energy to compliment it, that day will be filled with spontaneity, hilarity, creativity, and joy.

What children love is attention. Attention that may come in bursts, because there are, of course, always other responsibilities that must be attended to (see #s 7 & 11).

20. Conversation.

I hate - HATE - comments along the lines of "enjoy them now, 'cause they'll be teenagers before you know it."

I have no fear of any age, any stage of our children's lives. There will be tough times. There will be ups and downs. But there there will always be love and conversation. I think conversation should be thought of as a sibling to love. You don't plan times throughout the day to love your children. You just love them throughout everything you're doing. You might get upset, lose patience, whatever, but you still have love embedded throughout your interactions. Should be the same with conversation. Start talking with kids before they can even start talking. Have conversations, even if they don't have the vocabulary to answer. They'll pick that up soon enough. Genuine conversation is tied into respect - a mutual respect that says 'I am listening to what's important to you.' If that is embedded into every day, there will always be communication, and the door will be open to talking about the tough stuff when those times come.

21. It's OK to cry. It's OK to get angry. It's OK to feel.

It is a disservice to try and shut down, or banish someone's emotions. "YOU BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW! STOP FEELING SAD!"

Every emotion, or feeling, should have a healthy outlet. A way to deal with it (e.g. #20) without having it dismissed or "handled." It's OK to be angry. It's NOT OK to hit someone when you get angry. There's a difference between dealing with the action that is taken as the result of an emotion, and the emotion itself.

22. There is something beautiful about you. And you. And you.

If you can learn to see and find the unique beauty in the world - starting with yourself - your children will learn it too. Be confident in yourself and your unique value to the world. Without arrogance; but be willing to take confidence in your strengths. Value them. You can't expect your children to have a healthy self-image; to arm themselves with the self-confidence and curiosity to flourish in the world, without modeling that for them. 

Make a point to look at the unique attributes of other people and commend them. Children will be inundated far too soon with expectations of what is beautiful, what is popular, what is acceptable, what is normal, and so many other things. Show them that it's OK to be different. It's OK to be yourself. It's OK to be weird and let your weirdness shine bright, as long as it is tempered with respect and kindness to others. 

Parents are not perfect. And that is such a good thing. If we were, we wouldn't give our children a chance to be better then us someday. And that, in the end, is one of my goals for our children: to give them the chance to learn from us and our mistakes. 

I want them to be curious and to love; to always develop their imagination and invent fresh ways of doing things; to be loyal yet not close-fenced; to embrace the uniqueness of everything and everyone around and to define their own standards of beauty based on what is unique, not what is airbrushed; to develop and evolve strong relationships with each other, with others, with God, in their own differentiated ways. I want them to know they have the skills and the ability to go after what they want - and to know that it's not OK to grumble about what they don't like if they aren't willing to do something about it. I want them to know that Change is Good and that It's OK to Make a Lot of Mistakes. Saying I'm sorry is a sign of strength, not weakness, just as changing your mind or learning how and when to compromise is a good thing. 

Love big. Live big. 

Thanks for reading. Go Play!

Why / How

Write a short profile on each other, I said to my students, dividing them into groups of two. What is your angle; what is interesting to you about this other person? Make this a conversational voyage of discovery. How can we get to know this person in greater depth by the end of your profile story? Why should we care? Not just by asking a collection of facts, trivia, and biographic questions, but through a series of conversational questions that allow us to really learn more about what makes this person tick...

A person is more than the sum of their birthdate, gender, style esthetic, music preferences, and Facebook friends forum.

One young gentleman was disgruntled at being pushed to articulate questions more targeted and specific than,

What school did you go to before here? and What sports do you play?

How does asking somebody what sports they play help us get to know them? I ask. It certainly gives us information about them...but does it help to really get to know them - what makes them a unique individual?

There are always different ways to divide up people's "lens for viewing the world." Left brain/Right brain. Pragmatist/Idealist. Conservative/Progressive. Jennifer/Angelina.

I like to think in terms of How and Why. There are How questions concerned with concrete process and procedures and appropriate methods for approaching a task. And there are Why questions that are concerned with motivation and inquiries into people's reasons for making the choices they do. 

What show do you prefer: CSI or The Mentalist? 

Which one is the How program? Which one is focused on the Why? What are your other favourite television programs - which ones, at their heart, are focused on Process and which ones are focused on Motivation? A simplistic query. But try dividing them into one of those two areas...

If How is the Craft, then Why is the Art. They coexist. Ideally, they complement each other. But there is frequently a brutal prejudice in favour of How-type questions, particularly in raising and teaching children. Sometimes, it's a lot easier to teach somebody How to do something then to explain precisely Why they should do it in the first place.

I hate - hate - when people ask questions about Magdelana such as, 

"Has she gotten to the dreaded 'Why' stage' yet?"

I hate it. One of the things I love about Childhood is that in those early years, before you are indoctrinated too deeply in the way you're supposed  to do things, you simply ask Why-questions because you want to know. It's not a disrespect thing. It's simply a desire to know; an evolving of character and logic that is too-often shut down because Why-questions are frequently difficult to answer.

I often don't have good answers to Why questions. Why questions should be conversation-starters; they begin a dialogue of back-and-forth discovery. Why questions may lead to a better How in the end. They frequently raise the question of whether there is need for a better How. 

Why questions are disruptive, just as radical types of innovation are disruptive. That is why certain types of people loathe Why question-askers so much - they disrupt accepted conventions and ways of doing things. They question the givens.

Regardless of what subject I am teaching - Photography, Art, Filmmaking, Creative Nonfiction - the core important ideas share a common DNA with the ideas important to me as a parent. Atop the list is a desire to push our students and children to look beyond the surface of what they see...to ask Why-questions and to not apologize for asking them in a respectful, inquisitive manner. 


The right to ask a respectful question begins at birth. 


And also...


* To embrace the right to ask Why; to develop the self-respect to raise your voice in any circumstance and have the confidence to ask a Why question of Anyone.


* To look past the surface qualities of a photograph or work of art and try to interpret and understand what it represents.


* To articulate in specific terms what is beautiful and unique in anyone and anything...and to connect the relationship between Uniqueness and Beauty.


* To move past "It's good/awesome" and "It's bad/lame" evaluations. Develop a recognition of those microdetails that make something unique. Articulate your preferences and opinions.


* To look for Patterns and Structure and Meaning in the Mundane.


* To find the Good in People and the Great in Life.


___


People are more interesting than they oftentimes give themselves credit for. Especially when you start looking for the details and patterns in their lives...

Anyone can learn how to edit a video. So why don't more people make interesting movies? Because learning the How doesn't automatically mean you've got something interesting to say. It's asking Why questions that get you to the interesting stuff. And those are the people that make the great Art, that make the great Films, that make the great Music, and that search for answers to questions such as What can Science and Technology do to make our lives better? Those Why questions are at the heart of every great inquiry, whether originating from a three-year old child or from a 60-year old scientist.

Why do I have to go to bed now, Daddy? Why? Why? Why am I supposed to go to bed now?


Well dear, I say. Umm, it's because the scientists say that's what you're supposed to do in order to be healthy.


(beat)

And also, because I SAID SO, you little pill! And the Narnian monsters are going to get you if you don't hop in bed RIGHT NOW! Aahhh! Roarrrrrr!


And I tackle her, and toss her in bed, and the giggling is loud.