"I'M JUST A CITIZEN WITH A KNIFE."

Ever since I spoke with Jeremy in a recent post and included a certain photo, I have been deluged with requests for a follow-up. So I called to talk to him about the matter.

The following, as usual, is a description of a conversation I did document, but did not record. I will use quotation marks to convey the sense that I am using the precise words that Jeremy said. Of course that is not factually correct. It is true, and it is accurate, but it not necessarily letter-of-the-law factual.

Jeremy knows this.

Some have complimented me on my courage in daring to use quotation marks to indicate something I'm paraphrasing, and to be transparent about it. To that, I strongly say:

"I am no hero. Some of you may call me that, and that is your prerogative. Do I think I am a hero? No. Absolutely not. I'm just a little guy standing up in defense of a different way of doing things against hundreds of years of dogma and institutional thinking that has led to syntax authoritarianism. I have merely said 'there is another way.' Does that make me a hero? Some would say so. But I cannot say."

Back to Jeremy. This is the photo in question (see below).

Here's a closer look:

As you can see, this is the photo that lit things up and that I will try and address in the following conversation. Read below for the raw transcript.

___

"Hello,"
he said, answering my call.

"Thank you for answering my call,"
I said.
"I'll make this quick: a lot of people are wanting to know about the knife you've started carrying around, so I need to ask you some questions about it."

"Okay."
he said.

"I'm driving,"
I warned him.
"So I'm not going to give you the best part of my attention because I need to be safe and focus on the right things. But I am documenting this conversation. I'm not recording it, but I am documenting it."

"How are you documenting it?"
he asked.

"In my head,"
I said.
"I will remember everything important fairly accurately. And I'm going to quote you, even when I can't remember your exact words exactly. Agree?"

"Sure."
he shrugged; I could feel his shrug.

"Question one,"
I said aggressively.
"How long have you had this knife?

"Since last Saturday,"
he informed me.
"I found it in a tree."

"Tell the story."
I demanded.

"Well," he said. "I was at the park, and I looked up in a tree, and this knife was hanging down. So I took it and tried to find somewhere I could turn it in, but there wasn't anybody working, and everything was locked, and I didn't what to do with it."

"So you took it,"
I said aggressively.
"You took the knife that did not belong to you."

"Yeah," he said. "I couldn't find anywhere or anyone to turn it into, and there were a lot kids playing there and I didn't want one of them to find it and get hurt."

"Wait a second,"
I said suspiciously.
"Are you telling me that you're a hero? You took the knife because you wanted to do the right thing?

"I wouldn't call myself a hero,"
he said modestly. '
"I'm just a guy who likes to save toddlers' lives."

"I'm just a guy who likes to save toddlers' lives."

"You are a hero."
I said.
"So how do you decide where to wear it?"

"On the right side,"
he thought carefully.
"I've been practicing my fast draw and I'm right-handed. Also, I don't want it to scratch my phone, which I keep in my left pocket."

"I'm just a citizen with a knife."

"Makes sense,"
I said.
"So what is your primary purpose in carrying a knife? Is it a weapon?"

"Thing is,"
he said.
"I'm just a citizen with a knife. It's not a weapon or a tool. It's both. I use it for protecting people and for cutting apples."

"You cut apples with it?"
I asked.

"Well," he said, and I could tell I had touched a small nerve.
"I haven't actually cut any apples with it yet. I don't know who owned it before, and I'm kind of obsessed with hygiene so I don't know if it's clean and I haven't learned how to clean it yet."

"Well,"
I said.
"Would you like a few tips?"

"Yes," he said.

I provided some tips about knife hygiene, cleaning, and etiquette.

Then we moved on.

"So," I pushed him a bit. "What role does your knife play in making a safer world?"

"Thing is,"
he said.
"I'm just a concerned citizen, and a knife is an alternative to a firearm. It's both a tool and a weapon.

"A tool can be a weapon and a weapon can be a tool."

"So you're saying a knife can be both a tool and a weapon?"
I carefully phrased my question.

"Yes,"
he said firmly, the weight of conviction supporting his statement.
"Absolutely. A tool can be a weapon and a weapon can be a tool. I think citizens need know that there are alternatives to firearms."

"Now you have a folding blade knife,"
I said.
"Do you think you'll ever go on Etsy and get a really fancy holster or case for your knife?"

"Probably not for this one,"
he said.
"At some point I may get a fixed blade knife. When I do that, I may go shopping for a really good holster."

"What are your immediate plans for using your new knife,"
I asked.

"Now that it's clean,"
he said.
"I'll probably cut some apples."

"Almost done,"
I said.
"Wondering if you think your knife would be capable of handling a James Franco?"

"What do you mean?"
he asked.

"Like in 127 Hours, the movie, where his arm is trapped in a boulder and he has to amputate it with a multitool, or pliers or something. Do you think your knife would be capable of that? Could you cut through your own flesh with it if need be?"

I could hear him pondering this question thoughtfully over the phone. Finally he responded slowly.
"Yeah...I think it could handle it if need be. If I had to cut off a limb to survive, I think my knife could handle it. Hopefully better than pliers."

"If you were getting mugged by violent muggers on your way back from a movie with your wife and dog,"
I asked.
"and you had to choose between a gun and knife to protect you, which one would you choose?"

He answered without hesitation:

"Dog."

"Thank you,"
I said.
"It can be maddening when people respond to a two-choice question with a third option, but I should have seen that one coming."

"Yeah,"
he said.
"Definitely dog. My knife is great, but not always the best tool - or weapon - in every circumstance. It's like the ocean: it's a powerful force and you have to know how to use it."

"A knife is like the ocean: it's a powerful force and you have to know how to use it."

"You have had so many wonderful quotes during this conversation,"
I said,
"that I don't know which one to end with. So I think I'll go with your last one. Love it."

"Thank you,"
he said.
"I'm going to cut some apples now."

MILES, MAN, PLAY WHAT AIN'T THERE.

Jeremy told me recently:

"You make me sound much funnier than I am."

It was in reference to a 2013 interview I did with him about Science that recently resurfaced and has been making its way around the web. You just never know.

You can find it here. You will find it more enlightening than an E.L. James novel and possibly less so than A Brief History of Time.

This compliment from Mr. Long meant a great deal, because it is a goal of mine. A partial goal anyway.




In the same way that fiction writers make up stories in order to get to the truth, and musicians leave out notes in order to get to the best ones, and photographers leave out parts of an image in order to draw attention to the most important part...

...I like to frame my conversations and happenings with people, when I write about them later, in such a way that the most interesting and unique bits of both trivial and epic elements are squeezed together, and the rest is dumped behind, and what you have left is a version that is the truth plus or minus a little, but with the spirit intact, the best parts bumped up in the mix, some surprising portions elevated to important status, and...

...the rest left out. I love journalists and journalism, but I ain't one.

Miles Davis said this:

Don't play what's there, play what's not there.

One of my worst and most enduring traits is extrapolating ideas from quotes I like that aren't necessarily intended to work in the way I'm making them work. But Miles dug his own groove, as do I. He'd think I was a nerd. He'd be right. But he'd learn to dig me.

What's the obvious thing you think of in answering a question? Any question. What's the obvious answer. It's called gut instinct, or common sense, or what Jung might call the collective unconscious, where we share archetypes of certain ideas that get kicked around without really thinking about it, but here's the thing, if it's the first thing you're thinking of, then...

...it's probably the first thing everybody else is thinking of too. So if you've got a 12-note chromatic scale in front of you to play and you've got an instrument, you got, I don't know, how many different directions you can go with those twelve notes?

You got an almost-infinite variety, so how do we end up with so much music that sounds the same? That sounds so identical to one another?

We get used to playing the same notes, and looking at the same notes, or more importantly, paying attention to the notes other people are playing around us, and those are the ones we keep going back to. The ones that pop up the fastest and first. They're familiar. They make sense. They sound good.

Somebody like Miles or Charlie come along, bopping and sliding and peckin around for some different notes, some other ways of finding the pretty ones that don't seem to be quite right there. But here's the thing: they are there.

They are. There. They're just not the obvious ones.

Like I said. Great life lesson. Look for the things that ain't obvious. The people that may not be the loudest. The word that may not be the first to leap to mind. The way of approaching an idea or challenge that is a few steps removed from the way everyone else seems to be looking at it.

Common sense can be a good thing. Shortcuts can be a good thing. Finding efficient ways of doing things can be a good thing.

That's all fine.

But when you want to bring something original, something beautiful and different into the world, whether it's a composition or an idea or a painting or whatever, and

whether it's on a massive epic level or a little tiny trivial level,

you gotta be willing to ask yourself:

What can I leave out? 

and

What seems to not be there, but is there, and is getting ignored or underutilized?   (that applies to people, perhaps more than anything else)

He learned the rules, he learned the notes, and then he found different ways of playing them.

Anyone could have. Anyone can. Principle's the same for anything.

Find what's not there. Or doesn't seem to be there.

Play it.

Miles, he was something.

You can be too.

And Jeremy was half right. Yeah, I hope I can help people bring out and highlight the best parts of themselves.

But he's also pretty funny.

I just leave it out when he's not.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION (MOST LIKELY IT WOULD JUST BE A SIMPLE TORTURE).

I met with my brother Jeremy (pictured in the Walt Disney t-shirt), earlier and he told me something that he wasn't going to tell me, but did.

He didn't want to have to tell me, but he knew it was the right thing to do and his hand was forced, through something else that occurred via another party that I also cannot talk about. It had nothing to do with me, but it had everything to do with how I would respond to the information he gave me. There was a long list of stipulations given regarding how I would handle the information I was given.

From a technical and legal standpoint, the stipulations were given to someone else and were not originally intended for me. Through a series of happenings I cannot - and will not - detail here, I came to be in possession of this information, and it was important to him that I understand the ramifications of this information getting out anywhere else, and why it was important that it go nowhere else.

After he told me, it all made sense, and it would to you as well if I told you. But I can't. You'd understand if you knew what it was.

Again, I can say nothing about the information, or why I came to know it, or what it means, but it is extremely interesting and shines a light on certain figures and situations I cannot name, and it would completely shatter certain ideas you've had about certain things. For unnamed reasons, I cannot say who the figures are that are involved, or what other individuals also possess this information. Jeremy entrusted me with this information because he knew I know how to keep a secret and would give nothing away about what it is, but trust me, if you had any idea what it was about you would wish you could know, but unfortunately you can't because it would complicate your life to even have a clue.

In many ways, it would be better if you had no idea this information even existed. The fact that you know now is intended to protect all parties involved, including yourself. This way, you can know that you don't know, rather than being unaware of not knowing. If there is ever cause for you to be tortured to get this information, then you can get through it by simply being honest and saying "I don't know! I know there's something I don't know, but I don't know what it is!"

But the thing is, trust me, if you ever find yourself in a life or death situation where somebody is trying to find out this information, it's much better for you that you know there's something you don't know, because it will be much more believable if you're undergoing severe interrogation or torture to acknowledge that there's something about this information that you wish you knew, but that you simply don't, instead of simply screaming over and over again "I don't know what you're talking about!" This way, you can truthfully scream "I know there's something I don't know and I'd tell you if I knew, but I honestly don't!"

At a certain point, they will start believing you because your voice will have the weary ring of truth, if you're still able to talk. When they're done, you will feel better knowing that you did not give anything up, because you couldn't, and the incredible feeling you will have over preserving your non-knowledge will be much more meaningful to you than the fleeting irritation of physical discomfort. 

Except, of course, if that physical discomfort involves having fingernails yanked out or limbs cut off. If that happens, there will probably be some physical pain whose effects don't go away immediately. But that's not likely to happen. Most likely it would just be a simple torture and then you'd be done and free to go on doing whatever you were doing before. If you knew the information I know, and that Jeremy knows, and that other individuals whom I can't divulge know, then the pressure - and physical pain - would be too great and you would likely give up the information and then you would have the psychological trauma of having betrayed the information you were entrusted with.

The fact that you are reading this probably puts you in danger, if - IF - there were parties who were desperate to learn the information Jeremy shared with me. I cannot even confirm or deny whether or not this information would be of interest to parties such as the ones described above.

Sadly yet fortunately, I cannot say whether this information is big information or little information, or whether it's important or trivial, or whether it has anything to do with national security, or if it doesn't. I cannot say any of those things, because that would be saying too much. So if you are approached about divulging this information, simply let what is going to happen, because you honestly do not know anything, and you can be grateful for that.

Also, we talked a bit about the difference in band histories of Kings of Leon versus Arcade Fire, and the one thing I will say is that the information I can't talk about has nothing to do with either of them. I probably shouldn't have even said that.

Enjoy a pleasant evening, and remember to smile, whatever happens, and lock your doors. And be grateful you don't have the information I do.

I LIKE RICK GRIMES MORE THAN YOU.

Sometimes, you love something so much, and it is a very popular thing, and you know it's illogical that you should love it and other people should not be able to, but sometimes, you just know that you love it in a special way that is better than anyone else. Sometimes you just know.

The Walking Dead is a massively popular television show, and I resent that, because I like it more and better than anyone. There is graphic violence and gore galore, and I just know that's why so many people like it, but not me. It is one of the most hopeful and humanistic stories on television and it has reminded me so many times to withhold judgment on people without knowing their stories, and to believe in people's capacity to change and become better. Sometimes worse too. But to see the travails of this band of post-apocalypse as they struggle with walkers (a.k.a. zombies), but to a greater degree, with their fellow humans...that is the brutality and the beauty of this terrible and terrific show.

And I like it more than anyone does.

Kings of Leon are a massively popular band, and I resent that, because I like them more and better than anyone. Their countrified gritty rock and roll almost never loses its heart as it meanders around the big city and tries out the big lights and sexy glam of various genres; jamming soulful and emotionally brutal and beautiful lyrics into stadium-sized intimate pieces of four-minute magic. Other people just wait for the big choruses that probably got played nine billion times a week on every radio station. Not me. The Face. Back Down South. True Love Ways. Cold Desert. Wait for Me. I know them, and two dozen other timeless tracks to score the peaks and valleys of life, and they have soundtracked a hundred walks I've made on my mountain on dark lonely nights when I needed to be alone with someone, and they were there for me.

I definitely like them better than anyone else does.

There's people too; people who are loved and liked by many, and that's the hardest, because I pay attention to the nuances and the beats; the little moments and the collected eclecticisms that shadow by everyone else, and they are filed in my head in a growing living sculpture of love at the beauty that is a unique person, and it doesn't matter if everyone likes them...

I like them, better than anyone else does.

Oh, the competitive life.

THE NEWS IS THIS : CHILD - PARENT.

Old barbarians
You think no more? Border kids
Separated cry.

Trump blames everyone
Not my fault, he points fingers
Fake conservative.

Real conservatives
Take responsibility
Not bad excuses.

Military branch
He wants number six in space
Get your wallet please.

Loud cries of children
He uses them as his pawns
Sad barbarism.

POEM : SWEET.

To some super ear-sensitive types
They may prefer sandpaper for wipes
Rather than listen to what I will mention
They treat with condescension.
They don’t care for the noise
Pots pans chainsaw noisy toys
the chug chug riff of heavy metal
Heart and stomach to unsettle

Me, with love I’ve loved it
Cause I totally got it and sometimes get it
Some people enjoy rare dimes
or stamps or cars or snorting limes
Metal’s an acquired taste one might call snobby
Others might call tasteful, says my man Virgil James Bobby.
My love of metal began a tale of two bands
Cassette tapes could count on one hands.
Some started with classic, like Zeppelin Led,
or British new wavers big Diamond Head.

I began with two bands, both long haired,
who had looks apparently parents they scared.
I learned about one from a film, Iron Eagle
PG13, watched at 12, wasn’t very legal.
One Vision was the name of the song,
Vocals, guitars, sweet Dio, nothing too wrong
Except the monster-ish imagery on their album covers
It was very too scary for my little sweet brothers.

The other band I’ve haven’t spoken of yet
Wore the sweetest spandex you’ve ever seen I bet.
They sang about the devil and how they revel
In sending him below, no snow, what they call the fire pit level.
Yep, to hell with evil is what they sang a lot
I’d save up my dollars and their albums I bought.

Dio and Stryper were the names they used
I could spend my life singing for them, I so often mused.
They’re way so cool with their operatic voices
And their taste in clothes shows some interesting choices
The guitars were heavy and the drums were thunder
They were cool long before the Office crew at Mifflin Dunder

Until one afternoon at the bookstore of the Bible
I won’t write its name to avoid legal libel
Let’s just say it was a Christian Bookstore in a little tiny town
Owned by a friendly big lady who rarely would frown.
I found a tape on VHS
Rent it for three bucks, or perhaps even less.
Twenty-four hours is what you’d get,
So I raced home quickly to watch every bit.

The movie had a name called Hells Bells
Great name, because it’s a name that grabs you and totally sells.
Sold me, I popped it in the video tape players
And started listening to the rock music naysayers.
See, this vid was about the evils of rock and roll
And how its evilness would kinda suck up your soul.
It did its job totally not well, and listening to it I felt so swell
Because for its message I totally fell,
And with pen and paper and the rewind remote
I took careful notes on the bands I should note.
Def Leppard U2 and Bon Jovi I think were a few of the many
That I went on to spend more than a pretty few penny
So Hells Bells the video helped me out a little too much
And what I mean is it got me in touch
With the super great bands I wanted to know
It helped my musical education super fast grow.
I’d rent it again and again for a night at a time
To learn more how rock and roll was a crime.

My love for Stryper at one point did peak
As many more artists I’d discover and seek.
I moved on to Prince and bohemian Queen,
Sometimes a few tracks by the weird brothers Ween.

At some point Stryper disbanded and were no more
Though they lived forever in MTV lore
But Michael Sweet decided to go it alone
Like Keith Richards if he ever went solo Roll Stone.
Mike started a tour with Jesus Northwest
With DC Talk, Newsboys, and the best of the rest

For twenty-five dollars if I remember it right
My bro, my sis and I left for the night.
We watched all the bands sing and dance and twirl around
The noise was big and the speakers had sound
Finally, the ultimate event I’d waited forever for
At one point in life I could think of nothing to want more
And when I finally saw Mr. Sweet perform,
I was a little let down by his haircut and style so norm
Nothing stands out, but he played some song
He might have played an encore, but not very long.
I guess it was fine and it was a bucket list thing,
Bruce Dickinson scream, another man sing.
I got a picture with him, I clearly can prove
Although there’s lots he could really improve.
It’s done, it’s over, though some hard stuff I love still
But not the Stryper stuff that’s run of the mill.
I’ll take some pre-Black Metallica and loud Deafheaven
As long as it’s cranked to just under eleven.
Down of a System and Soulfly’s cool too
Though not too comforting for the lambs at the zoo.

Farewell to innocence, to Dio, to Stryper and full length spandex
I’ve got something better, my wife whose nickname is Becs.
She’ll occasionally listen to metal with me
And leave after a while to let me be me.

Rock on.

LEIF & LEONIDAS.

It couldn’t;
The sun could not be the center,
but then it was.

It couldn’t;
The earth could not be round,
but then it was.

It could not;
No one could score eight points in the final nine seconds to win a playoff game,
but then Reggie Miller did.

It most definitely could never ever happen;
A Viking and a Spartan will never be friends,
until they are.

And then you know anything is possible,
and all will come to pass.

HEY BECCA, HERE'S SOMETHING MARVELOUS,

Hey B,

I’m going to try and say this to you gently, yet include the amount of kind brutality that is warranted in this circumstance.

When you came home last week all excited and authoritarian and informing us, without a vote, that we were “...going to watch Thor” on a school night, then none of us wanted to ruin your exultation, at least in that moment. It was an enjoyable experience, and I am happy that you enjoyed watching it with our children. However, I’d like to provide a little bit of clarity before your hubris concerning your knowledge of the Marvel Cinematic Universe becomes too great. So, a few thoughts to mull before you go asking questions about why Iron Man and the Transformers don’t work together anymore.

- Despite your persistent and insistent belief to the contrary, Spock is not a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).

- As an aside, Spock is also not a part of the Star Wars Universe.

- The sequel to Thor, despite your insistence, is not Thor 2: The Next Generation.

- Again, the sequel to Thor is not Thor: Deep Space Nine.

- Captain Kirk is not secretly Iron Man.

- Star Trek and Star Wars are not interchangeable universes.

Speaking of universes, again, it is so wonderful that you chose to introduce Thor to our children...yet I want to protect you from their judgment, which will certainly occur if you continue on the path of understanding you are currently on.

I don’t want you to feel bad - or rather overly bad - but let’s talk a little about the chronological order of the MCU. It’s great that you got to see Chris Hemsworth shirtless; his body is most certainly a glorious marvel, and has inspired me to start doing push-ups next week, or sometime; but at the risk of sounding ungrateful, you really did a disservice to our children in demanding that they watch Thor before Iron Man. There is a certain order to the Universe , including Marvel’s, and I fear that because of your own ignorance, you may be leading our children down a path where their understanding of important life knowledge, such as the chronology of Marvel’s characters, is upside down. Or rather, tilted. So I will help you, and my hope is that at some point you will choose to help yourself and not willfully wall yourself off from knowledge.

This is the chronology of the films. When you are ready, which is a distant point in the future, then we will address the Marvel television component:

1. Captain America: the First Avenger
2. Iron Man
3. Incredible Hulk - epilogue only
4. Iron Man 2
5. Thor
6. The Avengers
7. Iron Man 3
8. Thor: The Dark World
9. Captain America: the Winter Soldier
10. Guardians of the Galaxy
11. Guardians of the Galaxy 2
12. The Avengers: Age of Ultron
13. Ant-Man
14. Captain America: Civil War
15. Spider-Man: Homecoming
16. Doctor Strange
17. Black Panther*

Again, this is said with affection and more than anything, I want to save you from the brutal judgment of our children in future years and prevent them from looking at you at having led them into a universe of confusion and chaos within the MC. I say this for the children. It’s for them and for their future.

We should probably start watching Iron Man this morning. A good first step would be remembering that he is not a Decepticon.

With all the affection I can muster, given the recent quality of your decision-making,

J

* I have been unable to see yet, but I think this is correct

HOMO SUM, HUMANI NIHIL A ME ALIENUM PUTO.

Mudbound. It has been a long while since I have experienced a film of this power. Still trembling with rage at the vileness humanity is capable of. And at the supportive and enabling role the country I love has played in some of the most inexcusable and bleakest vileness.

Racism. Class. PTSD. Loveless marriage. A quadrilogy of undercurrents sliding Mudbound’s narratives along, with one standing above the others.

I think of the hypocrisies we have committed so many times in sending those of a class, those of a race off to war, to make us proud and lift the shining light of freedom up high…and upon return...yank a shroud, a social Faraday cage, a muzzle over them. Disposable heroes. The convenience of benefiting from heroism minus the inconvenience of having to acknowledge it.

Mudbound covers much ground in multiple voices as it slogs us through the farm of a post-WWII Mississippi farmstead and the two families who may live on the same land, but who live vastly different lives. Tragedy all around, with little moments of connection and tiny flickers of hope.
This is what I do not understand: I am a thinking person. And I am a feeling person. Maybe more so than some and less so than others. But a combination of those two things is what makes most of us human.

To see this film and the roots of human vileness and to realize A) this is fictional, but it is - and I concede no ground on this point - the attitudes and the actions taken are true to what have been documented as horrific reality. Reality. Again and again and again.

And the racism shown in this is brutal, bleak, and out in the open. But when I look at the roots of what drives that hatred, that ability to look at another person based on their skin color and see them not as a child of God - and therefore a brother or sister to yourself - then I have to think this. And then say it aloud:

Could this happen again?
Is this happening again?
What are the thoughts that lead to the attitudes that lead to the words that lead to the actions that lead us down this road the wrong way?

Again?

I want to be kind. And loving. And accepting.

I want to dialogue. I hold my right and privilege to converse with anyone, without agenda, as sacred.

When I look at the roads that lead us to some of those darkest places in our past, then I have to look at the mirror, gather those I care about close and am privileged to help raise and learn from,
and say to those in power, or those seeking power:

I will fight to keep those who wax nostalgic for those ‘simpler times,’
those who use euphemisms to minimize and shrug off the hard parts of the past,
those who who do not condemn others who are blatant and unapologetic in their racism,
those who gleefully, wink-wink and backslap their way around the language and nuances of the behaviors that LED to the roots of lynchings, Jim Crow, and a fascist and false Christianity…
to those fitting the above who are IN POWER OR SEEKING POWER, I oppose you. I have a tiny voice, but it can be shrill and occasionally harmonize with a choir. A choir without white robes or bedsheets on heads.

And if it’s within my power, I will do whatever small part I can to get you OUT of power, or prevent you from GAINING power.

I am speaking to those seeking power and control. I also believe in the capacity to change. I believe in redemption and trying to show a better way. And that is done, most frequently and most successfully, through relationships and dialogue, not guilt-mongering, public shaming, and feel-good callout memes. For ordinary people with no thirst for power or control, that is what I can give. Conversation, an ear, a good discussion and ideally open hearts.

But for those in power - and look. Look! There’s no need to name names to identify who they are. Look at their words and actions. Look at those who separate everything into completely binary worlds: Us versus Them. Evil versus Good. The idea that if you speak out against your leaders, you’re speaking out against your country, your armed forces, your allegiance as a citizen.

False. As a joyful citizen of this wonderful country in so many ways, I want it to be a world that is joyful for all. That is respectful to and for all. A world that is not slowly slipping down a muddy path where men with stained white sheets on their ridiculous fucking heads yank a black man out of bed in the dark of night and torture him brutally for looking at a white woman wrong.

Those ACTS don’t happen overnight. The roots to those acts are born in the hearts and minds of every person. And we either move forward and away from that. Or we go back. There is no standing still.

It’s a cliche, but let’s just ask this anyway. Not rhetorically. WWJD? What WOULD Jesus do?

Talk tax cuts and upping military spending with men in suits?
Or walk across a muddy field to share a meal with a farm family?

I don’t know. I can’t speak for him. Just like nobody else can. But what is consistent with what we know about him? How does the picture we are painted of Jesus match up with many of those in power?

Watch Mudbound. Netflix streaming. Maybe not with your young children yet. Not yet. Or do. The violent and false words of those in power are more disturbing to me for our children to hear than the the violent and true records of atrocities that have actually been committed. And are in danger of being committed with ever increasing frequency.

And remember. There is a time to be kind. And there is a time to stand up and fight. They are both powerful tools - not weapons, tools - to use. So good luck on using them. See y’all around.

Hey Becca,

Hey.

Your children are liars. You cannot trust anything they say, especially if they tell you we have been listening to Christmas music. It may be a fact, but it is not necessarily the truth. Technically it falls into what some might call the truth, but it is not an accurate picture.

This is it: the children, as you know, love Sia, and apparently she has a new album out today, which I briefly sampled to see if it would be a good fit for our family during the narrow band of Christmas we strictly, mostly-appropriately, and fully-legally celebrate from November 24-December 25. I did not enjoy it, because it is not time to enjoy that music yet, but I think that we may enjoy it, especially tracks 2,5,6,7, and 9 when it’s legal to listen to it. Again, I am sorry that you have raised liars and spies.

Trust nobody. Merry Friday, Dear.

Bye.

OVERHEARD: THE RELATIVE MERITS OF USING WASTEBASKETS AS URINALS.

OVERHEARD.

Would it be okay...
the boy asked politely,
...if I peed in a wastebasket?

That...
replied his mother without pause; her response implying it may not have been her first time answering such requests.
...is gross.

So can I?
he asked.

No. It would make things smell bad. And...it's gross.
she said.

Oh...
he said, slowly processing; his response implying it may have been his first, or hundredth time making such requests.
...so can I?

No.
she said.

____

I'm sure the matter is settled for good. I'll always wonder.

WELL OKAY...

"Do NOT,"
one shrilled at me.
"Shave! It makes you look young! Way too young!"

"Yeah,"
the other one chimed in.
"And also you're way more strict after you shave!"

"I think,"
I said.
"We are going to have a conversation about causation versus correlation...

...................................

...after I finish shaving."

MY NEW FAVOURITE COMPLIMENT, AND SEPARATELY, A CONFEDERATE FLAG

My wife:
Your muscles look really good in this light.

Me:
There is no light.

Her:
There's some light!

Me:
It's dark. There is literally no light. It's nighttime and the only light is from my cellphone. So umm...thank you?

___

REGARDING GENEROUS INTERPRETATIONS.

"Look!"
one of the children said as we drove through a NE Portland neighborhood.
"That person has a Confederate flag hanging up where they live!"

Another child jumped in before I could provide a short 20-minute explanation of the underlying historical context of its meaning dating back to the Missouri Compromise, Reconstruction and MLK, and perhaps it was this knowledge that led that child to jump in quickly and preemptively with a short and alternative explanation, thus ideally saving the car's inhabitants twenty minutes to spend conversing about something else...

The child:
"Maybe they just needed something to keep the rain out and there just happened to be a Confederate flag for them to use, so that's why it's hanging there."

"Yeah."
I said.
"Maybe..."

And then I rewarded their observational skills and insightful questions by enlightening them on the underlying historical context for the next twenty-five minutes.

Do you ever have days where you feel super awesome, like you just did something really...super awesome?

I had a day like that a long time ago; I don't remember when. It wasn't today.

__

HAPPY WEEKEND
"Wow, you are really getting some white hair, daddy! What's for supper?"



[above: not my wife]

SPORTSMANSHIP NO COOL ANYMORE?

Regarding the team sports: what is the psychology behind never helping your opponent say, get up when they're knocked down? This is not a 'back in the old days rant;' it has appeared increasingly to me that it is a mandate for players to never, ever help up or give a hand or affirmative gesture in any way to an opponent during a game. I know the easy answer about toughness, posturing, 'psyching out,' et cetera, and I know that's all been around for ages, but it also SEEMS to me that it is a universal expectation that you never give an inch of support, affirmation, compliment, or a literal helping hand up to your opponent to an increasing degree. Am I wrong?

I'm not asking if it's a new thing, but if it has a) increased over the years and b) if it's an implicit or inferred idea, or one that stated clearly as an expectation.

Also, is it too late to fill out a bracket?

I WILL BE 50 IN NINE YEARS, BUT MY WIFE IS ALMOST 21.

He sized us up carefully, inspecting the details for accuracy, then pointed to his mother.

"You,"
he said wisely,
"look like you're in your 20s."

His infinite judgment came to rest on me.

"And you,"
he pronounced with gravitas.
"Definitely look like you're in your 50s."

I'll let him argue with my birth certificate.* Maybe he'll run for President someday.

_____

*which says 40 even, but those can be wildly misleading, of course
Edit

DEAD WONDER.

In this miserable world, there is one thing that brings me joy. That's about it. That one thing is my mug. My beautiful, powerful Wonder Woman mug that I drink coffee out of every morning. It starts off the day with a brief moment of sunshine before the eclipse of reality smothers the light.

That brief moment of sunshine was ripped away from me a short while ago.

"What mug do you want?"
she called from the kitchen, a worthless question if there ever was one, as she knows the answer to that as well as she knows the twenty-fourth President of the United States, which is to say she knew the answer well.

"The usual,"
I said, wondering at her odd and ridiculous question.

As I glanced over my to-do list for the day, I knew that hope would die the further the day lived, but that I would put one foot in front of the other, slap on a brave face, and fight forward for tiny joys on behalf of my family, and I knew I would be able to do so because of the undying optimism Wonder Woman represents. My morning coffee, held secure in my Wonder Woman mug, would give the fortitude to move ahead just a little bit and delude myself that the world would be right soon.

"Here you go, Dear,"
she said with a strange lilt in her voice as she confidently catwalked toward me, arm outstretched with mug...

...a mug with these stupid little leprauchans* dancing around. Def not Wonder Woman.

"What the?..."
I trailed off as I watched, in slow motion, as her other arm swooped up from her side, carrying coffee to her mouth, where she delicately slurped it grandiosely with Derek Zoolander flourish.

The coffee being carried in a mug to her mouth.

A Wonder Woman mug.

MY Wonder Woman mug.

"Give to to me NOW!"
I snarled gently, and went to grab it.

"You HAVE a special mug,"
she said rudely, shoving me across the room with great fury.
"It says 'snap crackle pop.' Reminded me of the sounds your body makes."

The interchange continued for many seconds, and in the end...

...Wonder Woman is still being held hostage. The world is truly upside down, my heart is hard, and all hope is shattered.

Have a great Friday, everyone. Enjoy it while you can. Sooner or later your mug will be brutally ripped away from you in a violent act of betrayal by someone close to you.

____

*sorry Sasha 😬

SUPER BOWL 2017

ONGOING COVERAGE BELOW. YOU'RE WELCOME.

3.37pm
I keep waiting for a coin toss where it ends up on its edge. Game over. #change

3.40pm
I am adamantly opposed to the idea of a commercial-free Super Bowl. #whyiwatch

3.48pm
Anyone else watching the Super Bowl primarily because their wife reminded them to?

4.09pm
Oh, how I'd love to see the President line up for just one play. #patriot?

4.21pm
I definitely think Anthony Hopkins could outrun Christopher Walken.

4.32pm
I have been an Atlanta Falconers fan forever, so it feels so good to be winning finally!!!!!! #dominiquewilkins #4evrfan

14-0, sorry #Giselle

4.35pm
If I could trade my children for 2nd half Super Bowl tickets, I probably wouldn't.

5.23pm
Goo Goo Dolls or Lady Gaga?

5.47pm
Might go for New England now. #truefan #thisiswhoiam

6.42pm
I'm not going for the Patriots, I just want a close high-scoring game. Hopefully 85-79.

6.49pm
What if football was exactly the same as it is now, except players also carried samurai swords? I think the game would have a different feel, honestly.

6.49pm
"When you have the right gloves, the ball pretty much catches itself."

- Jeremy Long

6.58pm
How does Joe Montana feel about this game? As the one person whose legacy may or may not be shifted historically by what Tom Brady does or does not do in the remaining three minutes?

7.07pm
Truth.

7.17pm
Both teams could walk off the field hand in hand now and make a statement to the world. #couldhappen #cowinners

PEANUT BUTTER AND THE SIMPLE AND ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

At least we can all agree that peanut butter should NEVER go in the refrigerator.

FACTS.

Fact checking is neither liberal nor conservative. Facts stand alone. They simply exist to serve reality.

For all of political eternity, folks of one side or another have chosen to A) interpret facts differently, B) use or contextualize facts differently, or C) omit facts that don't confirm existing beliefs. That can be frustrating. It's why we can have a good discussion, debate, or legitimate argument about John McCain vs. Barack Obama, or even - and I open myself to criticism from other quarters here - George W. Bush vs. Al Gore.

The reason we are unable to have this same discussion on a level table now is because - and I give Trump some sort of moxie points for this - for the first time, without precedence in modern times*, we have a leader who has created an Option D: deny the reality of facts themselves, again and again, and create new ones. Again, we could debate the platforms, the viability, the lunacy or moral shakiness of other past Presidents. But this is the only one who we have to truly look at the reality and say: this is someone who is not acknowledging fundamental facts as a baseline for decision-making.

I have stood my ground in past decades supporting certain Republicans and conservatives. I have deliberately chosen, for 25+ years, to TRY and look at objective facts and form opinions based on those. I have argued and discussed intensely with every spectrum in between Strom Thurmond and Barney Frank.

If 'surreal' was the word of 2016, 'unprecedented' is shaping up to be the one for this year. Not meant as a compliment. Not when unprecedented means "the first modern President to ignore, to blatantly ignore, facts as a starting point for debate or discussion.

As I have stated in past posts, my past history is one as an independent; who has owed no allegiances to parties or platforms, who has simply asked questions along the way. During the depth of his presidency, I defended GW on some issues. I say this as a reminder that I am doing what I have done for a quarter century: ask questions.

And I will not be lied to, again and again and be okay with it.

Bob Woodward and Matt Drudge are both...journalists.

History will not look at each of them and say, "well, they each had their equally valid viewpoints that were equally grounded in research, evidence, and thoughtful analysis of the facts. Hint: Bob has had plenty of people on all sides of the fence irked at him.

Facts. Sometimes we get them wrong. Sometimes our leaders get them wrong. Sometimes I do. What do we do when that happens?

We apologize, own up to it, and move forward. And sometimes we accept that there are consequences to getting them wrong.

Or, in what appears to be a growing trend, we can gleefully stomp ahead, fire those who question, humiliate those who are voiceless, dismiss those who raise a voice, and threaten those who disagree or try to hold to accountability.

That is why this is different.
____

*in this country

POLITICS : CHANCES.

"Can't we just all take a deep breath, calm down, and give him a chance?"

Some of us - many of us - have the luxury of making what sound like rational, neutral statements like this. I've heard variations of this repeatedly.

How many of us would feel good about hopping on a 747 being piloted by someone whose only previous experience with motorized vehicles was driving a bus? Especially if the pilot decided to forgo using the instruments or guidance systems and started shoving passengers off without parachutes because...one might be a hijacker?*

This is now beyond hypothetical. Beyond abstractions. Beyond conjecture. This is reality.

And these are people. Real. People. People with faces and families and hopes.

To take a deep breath and calm down while people around are drowning...that's not a neutral decision. If your child was in that pool, drowning, would you want - would I want - onlookers to sit back, calm down, and wait for someone to do something? Give the lifeguard a chance to do the right thing? Wait it out?

People's lives are being affected. Hurt. We can pretend that it's an aberration; that he's just cleaning things up right away to make things better for Americans in the long run. But how many people's lives have to be harmed by the decisions he is laying the groundwork for NOW? How many lives until we say: you had your chance?

He is our President. I accept that. I don't like it, I do not pretend to like it, but I accept it. And I will give him a chance. A chance on a case by case basis. The same chance I gave at the beginning with his predecessor. The chance to do the right thing, and the right to wield my opposition when he doesn't. As I did with his predecessor, a man I came to respect greatly even amidst my disagreements on policy sometimes. But I came to believe in his patriotism, in his desire to fight for all Americans, as well as for the basic dignities and rights of children and families across the world.

When our President begins making decisions that are worthy of being given a chance, I will give him a chance. I will keep my mind open.

Please keep your mind open as to when it's not appropriate to "give a chance."

Love you all.

____

*original analogy from my dad, Lee Long, that I extrapolated from