HEY BECCA, HERE'S SOMETHING MARVELOUS,

Hey B,

I’m going to try and say this to you gently, yet include the amount of kind brutality that is warranted in this circumstance.

When you came home last week all excited and authoritarian and informing us, without a vote, that we were “...going to watch Thor” on a school night, then none of us wanted to ruin your exultation, at least in that moment. It was an enjoyable experience, and I am happy that you enjoyed watching it with our children. However, I’d like to provide a little bit of clarity before your hubris concerning your knowledge of the Marvel Cinematic Universe becomes too great. So, a few thoughts to mull before you go asking questions about why Iron Man and the Transformers don’t work together anymore.

- Despite your persistent and insistent belief to the contrary, Spock is not a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).

- As an aside, Spock is also not a part of the Star Wars Universe.

- The sequel to Thor, despite your insistence, is not Thor 2: The Next Generation.

- Again, the sequel to Thor is not Thor: Deep Space Nine.

- Captain Kirk is not secretly Iron Man.

- Star Trek and Star Wars are not interchangeable universes.

Speaking of universes, again, it is so wonderful that you chose to introduce Thor to our children...yet I want to protect you from their judgment, which will certainly occur if you continue on the path of understanding you are currently on.

I don’t want you to feel bad - or rather overly bad - but let’s talk a little about the chronological order of the MCU. It’s great that you got to see Chris Hemsworth shirtless; his body is most certainly a glorious marvel, and has inspired me to start doing push-ups next week, or sometime; but at the risk of sounding ungrateful, you really did a disservice to our children in demanding that they watch Thor before Iron Man. There is a certain order to the Universe , including Marvel’s, and I fear that because of your own ignorance, you may be leading our children down a path where their understanding of important life knowledge, such as the chronology of Marvel’s characters, is upside down. Or rather, tilted. So I will help you, and my hope is that at some point you will choose to help yourself and not willfully wall yourself off from knowledge.

This is the chronology of the films. When you are ready, which is a distant point in the future, then we will address the Marvel television component:

1. Captain America: the First Avenger
2. Iron Man
3. Incredible Hulk - epilogue only
4. Iron Man 2
5. Thor
6. The Avengers
7. Iron Man 3
8. Thor: The Dark World
9. Captain America: the Winter Soldier
10. Guardians of the Galaxy
11. Guardians of the Galaxy 2
12. The Avengers: Age of Ultron
13. Ant-Man
14. Captain America: Civil War
15. Spider-Man: Homecoming
16. Doctor Strange
17. Black Panther*

Again, this is said with affection and more than anything, I want to save you from the brutal judgment of our children in future years and prevent them from looking at you at having led them into a universe of confusion and chaos within the MC. I say this for the children. It’s for them and for their future.

We should probably start watching Iron Man this morning. A good first step would be remembering that he is not a Decepticon.

With all the affection I can muster, given the recent quality of your decision-making,

J

* I have been unable to see yet, but I think this is correct