EH TU? (FIVE DIALOGUES THAT HAVE MADE ME SMILE RECENTLY).

1.
Daddy?
he asked.
Do we have a closet in our house that goes to Narnia?

No.
I said.
Ours have clothes, towels, and a vacuum cleaner.

But I hope I'm wrong.

2.
If I was in the army,
he announced to all and to none.
I would box...

- he demonstrated, with a fighting stance that could easily win the starting role in Swan Lake -

...and I would also trap the enemies and keep them locked up for a billion years.

Who is your enemy?
I asked.

I don't know.
he said.
Whoever is bad. Except sometimes I really like the bad guys.

Why,
Our daughter chimed in,
does it seem like the good guys always win in movies and books? I get tired of the good guys always winning. I think the villains should win sometimes.

In due time,
I said.
Someday we'll watch Chinatown.

3.
Daddy!
he said.
Come tell me a story!

Buddy.
I said.
It's already late. Tomorrow.

But Daddy!
he pleaded.
If you tell me a story about George Washington, it would help me to learn something important!

I get outplayed too frequently these days.

4.
...So in conclusion,
I said.
Julius Caesar was betrayed by people he trusted. Very sad.

You know what he should have done, Daddy?
he asked; glossing over the historical significance of the Ides of March in favor of a more personal narrative.
I would have poked them in the head with my bow and arrows, then I would attack them by pouring chocolate milk over their head, then I would wrap a boa constrictor around them. That's what I would do.

That's a thought,
I said.
But I don't think Mr. Caesar had any chocolate milk on him at the time.

It also made me pause and reflect on my son's career choices down the road, and, should he ever choose to set his sights on becoming Attorney General, I hope his understanding of habeas corpus evolves a bit. A billion days is a long time to lock someone up, and I just have this gut feeling that intentionally feeding someone to a giant snake isn't going to increase our standing on the human rights scoreboard. He's fairly young; I'm hoping there's still time to learn.

5.
We're driving...West!
He stated confidently.

Buddy!
I exclaimed.
You're correct. Nice!

He waited thirty seconds before loudly - with the hubris of the great Romans - announcing:

"We're driving...South!"

Buddy,
I shook my head sadly.
Sometimes you gotta quit while you're ahead.

And that's a great lesson. When your confident guess turns out to be correct, don't push your luck. Retire on top.

Bonus.

The sun is out AGAIN?!
she shook her head with disgust.
I'm so tired of it being summer...is it ever going to snow?
____

Good night, universe. Pleasant thoughts, dreams, and midnight rituals.