Dear Dad...(Happy Father's Day)

Dear Dad, 

I am writing to you on my Wall rather than yours, because I think one of your other children has your Facebook password, and they might try deleting my post. I am very paranoid today, but I will not be tomorrow.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for being a great dad. I have sometimes thought of you as a type of father-figure, and I hope you have a statue designed in your image someday, and I think you should be riding a horse; reared up on two legs (I'm sorry you don't enjoy riding horses anymore; it is so sad). If you were a President, you would be Theodore Roosevelt, because he also taught his son how to shoot a gun and how to stand up to bullies. Thanks for the BB gun, and I wish I could have taken Tae Kwon Do. I would have made you proud.

I used to think that you would do a terrible job at writing your own tombstone epitaph, but now I changed my mind and think you would do a swell job. But I hope your demise is centuries away, because as you've often told me: "as long as Steven Seagal keeps making movies, I'll keep watching them," and I think he is still making movies, at least he was last time I checked, in 1997.

I really think you are like a non-horse-riding Teddy Roosevelt. He was a good dad, and so are you. He was President too. You're still eligible, although I can't promise I'd vote for you, because then the world would lose the world's greatest dentist (that's what they call what you do, right?).

Thanks for being you. There is literally not another person quite like you in the world, and if there was, then I would not like them. Because you are you, and nobody else should be. So I would probably shove them off a cliff, but one with a gentle incline, so they would be just mildly injured, and have small amounts of back pain for the rest of their life. 

Love you, Lee Long.

One of your sons.

(Guess who)