Real Men Get Self-Conscious

I returned to the tent. Pitch black, rain pouring down, my family wandering what took me so long. Sheepishly, I explained:

"Okay, wanna hear something embarrassing? I took my contacts out, and I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I might have gotten a little turned around on the way back from the bathroom. I have bad eyes, it was very poor visibility, and I got lost. There. Embarrassing."

My wife and children looked at me with interest, low-wattage flashlight providing scant illumination. I saw wheels spinning behind my son's eyes. Deep breath, as he waited for his captive audience's total attention:

- "You know what's embarrassing?"

He did not wait for response.

- "Sometimes I forget my drumstick!"

He continued.
- "You know what's really embarrassing?! One time I forgot my sword!"

He paused, briefly, dredging up more sacrosanct and intimate moments to reveal.

- "You know what's really embarrassing? Sometimes I forget to put my contacts in!"

His sister interrupted his tell-all with a reality check.

"You don't wear contacts."

He forgot his embarrassment briefly and either became A) furious with her or B) started laughing hysterically, in embarrassing fashion.

Our family has many such secrets that would just be too embarrassing to ever share with the world, so we won't.

At least not until we do.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE (MINUTE OF RIGHT NOW : A RHYME FOR MY SON ON HIS THIRD BIRTHDAY).

Today, my son is three.
Soon I will be
a hundred and free.

I said here's what you gotta know:

You always try,
and it's alright to cry.

Looks grow old,
books keep you warm in the cold.

Leopards can change their spots and bears go moo,
check for toilet paper when you enter a loo to go poo.

Be a skeptic, not a cynic,
if you can't think of a word, make one up…like "Ninik."

Climb the stairs in tall towers,
in the sad times, find beautiful flowers.

You're human and the moment is now,
so rejoice that yer not fattened-up Tillamook cow.

Fight for what's right
and be a kind, jolly knight.
Laugh really hard
and avoid pork and lard
and you might live long
with heart in your song.

Dress up, and be a kid,
no matter the age,
you'll be glad you did.

Remember we love you like the fine human you are,
you're a unique little fella, you've set a high bar.

There can be only one.* Of you. 

So always be that. 

You.


Joseph Ivan Long

(a.k.a. your Dad, a.k.a. Highlander McLong).


*strangely, I am not in favor of human cloning

____


I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.

- Mr. P. Picasso

(I find him a kindred spirit, because my optometrist would likely concur that I am better at thinking than seeing).

Two birds in the distance flyThey land and they settle down,SomewhereA year is just a drop in time

Mercury Rev
A Drop in Time

All Is Dream

2003