LINK: "FOUR WORDS ALL DADS OF DAUGHTERS NEED TO HEAR"

Love this article. Love. Short, simple articulation of an idea I agree strongly with. Summarizes well my loathing of archaic 'waiting with shotgun on porch' references and patronizing, patriarchal fears of all the things to dread in a daughter's future.

Thanks for the link, Annamae!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-bogle/4-words-all-dads-of-daughters-need-to-hear_b_5695257.html

LINK: the intelligence of night owls, etcetera.

Post by Joseph Long.

____

I realised this afternoon that I have now officially been a Weird Al fan for a quarter century.

Antioxidants

Been saying this for half a decade: breast milk will someday be the next fashionable health trend for adults. Breast boutiques where you can skip the half-and-half and order your skinny latte with an extra pump of Mum's Milk. 

Call me Nostradamus. It has begun. A London restaurant is selling ice cream made of human breast milk. It's called Baby Gaga, comes with a wafer, and is donated by a 35-year old named Victoria. £14 a pop. It is organic.

Story's at Digital Journal. Enjoy. Better go check on Johannes now. I hear him trying to cop a free drink...

Daughter Tardiness, pt. 05: One Week Late

Nothing.

Very perturbing.

I have been talking to my Daughter, via her Mother's belly, for many months. Many of my monologues have been filled with cliches, such as "I can't wait to see you" and "I love you so much."

Other chats have had important bits of information, such as "no need to ever try mushrooms, you'll hate 'em," "don't get walked on by anybody no matter how old you are," and "Grandaddy really IS the experimental American Radiohead, by way of 1972 Neil Young."

I have also told her a list of qualities that are important to develop. Loyalty, respect for everyone, willingness to laugh at anything your dad says is funny, etc. Among the most important of these qualities is Independence. She has obviously not understood the context I said this in. What I meant was, Independence WITHIN the boundaries I have set for her. So when people tell me, smirking, chuckling, that she is "Independent" for deciding to show up on her own time, I say, NO, that is NOT Independence. That is plain Stubborn Obstinance. NOT one of the Eleven Most Important Attributes to Develop.

One week overdue now. Unthoughtful Pill.

ALSO: J.M. Long has a new (demo) song up on MySpace. Please Come Home. I'm going to post it here until I get in trouble with him, which may be soon. Pretty freakin' amazed where he's going with music. I kinda see him as being at the same crossroads with Music as I once was with Prison Ball. Tons, just TONS of potential. He might be unleashing it a little more fruitfully.

ALSO: Jonny has finally posted again. Go read it. Hilarious.

Joshua

Josh is the man.

Read the whole article at http://www.whillsgroup.com/blog/1_services_insider.cfm

Daughter Tardiness, pt. 04

Strong feeling about today. Strong feeling.
Also: sinking feeling about tomorrow. Months ago, Jeremy predicted she would arrive on 7-7-07. Which is tomorrow.

If she actually IS born tomorrow, I will be hearing about it for decades. Decades. I visualize Uncle Jeremy, EVERY birthday, reminding her of how he outguessed her Dad. Can't have that.

This is important: any day EXCEPT 7-7-07. Not tomorrow. Please.

Fankle News #1

I will be commenting on Uncle Jonny's Survival List tonight. I am overjoyed that I have raised a brother who has taken my teachings to heart.

Go to his blog at
http://formynephewchild.blogspot.com/

If you would like to buy a print of this image (4x6), you may order one for $4.45. All proceeds will go toward Daughter's College Fund and/or her father's plasma television, whichever seems more relevant to general family happiness in the next 12 months.

A limited run of 500,000 will be sold, so order NOW.

NOTE: there will be upcoming news about the new magazine I've been asked to launch. It's entitled "Fankle" and is geared towards new fathers and uncles, and people who like to Spy.

Seriously, it is going to be the Must-Get subscription, once it's out.

Peace, but pack a survival kit and watch Red Dawn.

Joseph I. Long, Editor-at-Large,
Fankle Magazine

Return from Spokane

Independence
Becca and Daughter returned from Spokane this afternoon. I spent 53 hours on my own. The first two were exhilarating, but then I started missing the girls and the independent thing wore off. So I worked on the house, embroidered a slug* on a patch for my work jeans, and watched Gil Grissom take down baddies in Vegas at 1:00 am.

*when I say "slug," i am not being metaphoric. i really did stitch a slug. i do not know why. it seemed visionary at midnight.

Pride
Becca took 2nd in the Bloomsday Run. Although it may seem odd that I would be proud of her for coming in second, as opposed to actually winning, it is true. I really am proud of her. We had high expectations for her and had planned on her victory, but life can throw you spitballs, so thus we settled for First Loser, as Matt W pointed out. I have not actually verified that she placed second, but we have the kind of relationship where even the smallest "white" lies are not acceptable, so I know I can unquestioningly trust that she did indeed finish "second."

More Is Not Always More
Note Ia: Joseph Arthur: good concert, not as fun as last time. Probably too much weed. Mr. Arthur. Not me.

Note Ib: do not smoke weed, at least not until you've already done something really successful. Note: I do not smoke weed.

It's very good to have my girls back.

Note II: go to Jonny's blog. Very charming and occasionally percipient.

Jonny's blog

If you have not checked out Jonny's blog concerning his Uncle-hood status, you should do so. Hilarious, poignant, touching, idiotic.

www.formynephewchild.blogspot.com

Do it.