ANGER MANAGEMENT, OR, WHAT DOESN'T COMES AROUND AT BLUE STAR DONUTS.

In the past, my son has had some creative ways of taking out his frustration when he gets upset:

- curling up on the floor and going to sleep
- closing his eyes and pretending to sleep 
- running to his bedroom, dramatically flinging himself on the bed and announcing loudly that he's going to sleep

But I think my favourite has to be his latest move. I mortally wounded his feelings in some way recently at the dinner table*, and he hunched up his shoulders, walked over to the corner, dug up my little video camera, turned it on*, pointed it at me and proclaimed with righteous, furious authority,

"I am going to video you, Daddy!"

Which he then proceeded to do, in tandem with his sister, for the next three minutes.

Oh boy. At least they don't know how to upload yet.
____

*might have had something to do with my suggestion that perhaps his superhero pajamas were too filthy to wear to bed that particular night 

**with the assistance of his often-willing conspirator in activities of opposition to their parents

DANISH PRINCESS WITH BODYGUARDS.

food carts around SW 10th & Washington

THIRD EAR.
My sneaking suspicion that the children are not completely asleep has just been confirmed by a shrill flute melody blasting from bedroom. It sounds vaguely Christmas-y, so I guess we'll just let things play out.

SAD.

Blue Star Donuts / Portland, OR

Cross this off your bucket list: now you have seen the saddest picture in the entire world. 

MOTHER'S DAY.

MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 1For a special beginning to Mother's Day, I let Becca get up really early and play cards with our daughter. I just let them have some time to themselves, and stayed out of the way, in bed. They'll always have that memory.

You're welcome, Dear. More to come.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 2How cool is your Mother-in-Law?

Well, did she go see Tarantino's Kill Bill with you opening weekend?

Yep. Beat that.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 3
For a special treat today, I am playing some Christmas music for my wife.

Frosty the Snowman is such an underrated Mother's Day song.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 4I do not remember my birth very well. Apparently my mom was there.

She was not on Facebook, so I guess she must have been busy. Thanks Mama. I would be a very different person if you had never existed. I am glad you exist.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 5One of Becca's greatest inventions as a mom has been "Magga Coffee."

It is made like this:

1. Warm up a mug of almond* milk.
2. Stir in a teaspoon of molasses.
3. Name it after one of your children.
4. Voila. Now your kids can drink "coffee" with you.

Brilliant. One of many brilliant moments. You are a brilliant eccentric, Countess Becca.

MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 6Once, when my little brother* was a kid, he woke up during the night and had to go to the bathroom. Somehow in his groggy slumber, he peed in the hamper.

What did my mom do in the morning?

She laughed, and said thank goodness it's just pee.

Probably some sort of moral lesson in there. I have no idea what.

*me


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 7I remember watching a woman scream and berate her child publicly in the parking lot, and now I want so much to find her on Facebook and say:

"I'm glad you're not my mom."

I might have a license plate number jotted down somewhere. But my mom raised me to not be mean, so I will stop looking for her.

Thanks for not being mean, Mom.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 8One of the most concrete bits of relationship advice I have is this: find someone with a Mother-in-Law who finds Walter the Farting Dog books funny, and who is not afraid to laugh out loud, very loud.

That's what I did, and trust me, your life will be good if you follow this one piece of advice. If your prospective M-i-L doesn't like the Walter series, or finds it beneath her, that is cause for suspicion, and possibly a dealbreaker.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 9A decade or so ago, we went on our first official date: a 36-hour Greyhound bus trip. The trip got better and better, and she kissed me, and I knew I would marry her.

And I knew she would keep getting better and better, and we would have Littles, and we did and she has and she is more delicious and fun than ever, and I fully expect the trend to continue.

Thanks, Dear. You are rad, and I like listening to loud music with you. And the children that are ours; their names escape me at the moment.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 10One time, my Mom watched G.I. Joe with me. The old television program. It is a memory. Also, it is the only time I ever watched G.I. Joe. So I always associate my Mom with G.I. Joe. I imagine it might be a little like watching a Michael Bay movie with Martin Scorcese sitting next to you: it would be hard to fully enjoy it. So I guess if my mom had not taken those 23 minutes to sit down with me and watch G.I. Joe, I would have watched it by myself, and completely fallen in love with the program if I hadn't had the dampening proximity of my Mom's "we love people, we don't shoot them" message next to me. If I had continued to watch G.I. Joe, I most certainly would have been influenced by the show to go into a Special Forces unit, and there is almost undoubtedly the high possibility that I would currently be embedded in a Black Ops unit deep inside Eastern Europe.

And instead of a family, I would have an AR-15 and a bunch of face paint.

So thanks Mom, for watching G.I. Joe with me. Those little things matter. I guess the moral is, parents: watch television with your children.


MOTHER'S DAY, pt. 11 (last one)Stevie Wonder's "I Believe (When I Fall in Love It Will Be Forever)" is from his 1972 album Talking Book, but surprisingly I didn't hear it until 2001, when Becca, in between card games, told me that I HAD to see this one film:

High Fidelity.

About an existentialist music geek and his narcissistic relationship woes. We watched it, and I fell in love with it too even though it dissed on Belle & Sebastian, and she got me the soundtrack, and every single song was exceptional.

Including Stevie's "I Believe." One of the great love songs.

I am so glad to be with someone who gets excited about new experiences, who delights in people, who has dragged the best characteristics of me into the sunlight, and who creates beautiful, spirited children who will always be a step behind their Mom in the mischief department.

Thank you for being you, and for liking me to be me, Countess. Happy Mum's Day. We should go to the Walla Walla Balloon Stampede next year. Also, we have never seen Stevie Wonder in concert. Maybe he will do a tour with Glen Hansard. Shall we watch Grimm now? Or Downton Abbey? Or, we could make some chocolate caramel truffles now. We have never done that, but I hope we do before forever ends. I am hungry.

Stevie Wonder

I Believe (When I Fall in Love It Will Be Forever)

Talking Book

1972

Uncle with Little Monstrosities

Le Corbusier & Associates (Bruce Wayne Fort Building Division)

Five Things About the Only First Day of the Only 2013 That Will Ever Exist In This Universe

01.
I wish something bad would happen so I could call 9-1-1.

- Magdelana, 5

Sadly, her wish went unfulfilled.


02. 
A Visual Depiction of the Dynamic Range of Universal Emotions the World Will Experience Over the Coming Year.

2013.01.01

It was a very windy day. 

Windy days do not make everyone cheerful.

03. 

Conversation with Johannes (2.5) at bedtime:

Daddy, is Superman real?

- Umm...well, who do you know that is real?

Batman? Hulk?

- Almost. Try one more.

You are real.

- Yep, that is correct. I am real. 

And owls are real.

- Yep, owls are real.

No, owls aren't real!

- Yep. Owls are real, Johannes.

Oh. And lights are real. Christmas lights are real. And Bob is real.

- Bob? You mean Bob your dolly? The one laying next to you in bed who's already sleeping, like you should be?

Yeah. Bob is real.

- Okay...are you pretending that Bob is real, like we pretend Superman is real?

Yeah. And drumsticks are real. They're for playing drums.

- Yep. 

04.

Great-Grumpy with Children Reading Newspapers.

2013.01.01

05.

Things I did today:

- Made a pot of really good coffee and enjoyed a couple cups with my bride and sister-in-law.

- Weighed myself and remembered I forgot to exercise last year.

- Ate some creamy & delicious potato soup that my mother-in-law invented.

- Played a card game with my in-laws in which my attempts to cheat were foiled, and I lost, as usual, making the beginning of the year a very depressing one.

- Had the shower go cold halfway through, which leads me to suspect that the year ahead really will be horrid.

- Had a coffee date with Becca in order to make a list of resolutions and plan for the year ahead, and the primary thing we figured out is that we need to have many more coffee dates in order to figure things out.

- Am writing this while my wife is paying bills next to me.

- Looking forward to maybe - maybe - starting the Joseph-Gordon Levitt sci-fi thriller Looper this evening. Maybe.

We'll see. Hello, Twenty-Thirteen. I'll be around.

Song of the Day: Rose Rouge / St. Germaine

December 10. People of the Day

Blue Hawks from the Sea

Seahawks game face. Dueling with Uncle Matt. Gevalia raspberry chocolate blend brewing.

Sunday morning blues. Not a half-bad life.